Lilac&Lace

Took a while

2010-03-11T10:42:00.002+11:00

Lol, oh this blog.
Abandoned for so long.

I like to look back at this blog and hope that I am no longer such a self-absorbed, pretentious bitch and that now, I have waaayyy more respect for myself as well as others.

I like to think that I'm not the same girl sitting around and waiting for shit to happen anymore. Well, not so much at least. Finally, goodbye past! And Hello present and future!

As of such, I probably won't be blogging much anymore. Who knows. Maybe in the future.

Anyways if it so interests you, I do update my twitter much more frequently (sometimes I borderline spam with incoherent updates) : http://twitter.com/yin_c

Cheerios, Lilac&Lace! I will see you soon.

Le Voeu

2010-01-25T13:10:00.002+11:00

What happened @&#^@ forgive me I need to rant.

What happened to the bar? Have you forgotten? We were supposed to open a little bar together, and I would sing in the corner and you would sip Kahlua and we would call it ... Le Voeu... 'The Wish'... named after that one night tens of thousands of years ago it seems. And I would decorate the tables and counter tops with flowers and friends would come and unwind after work, and it would be in a quaint little town, somewhere, and I would sing for you.

And how come I never got your dagger, and I never got a folding fan, or a white sarong, or promises of a tomorrow? Only now am I going through the steps of Rage in grief, whereas you went through it a million light years ago and left me sitting here like a fool - a fool! A fool for believing in a bar in a little corner with flowers and jazz and love.

How did you go from discipline and selflessness to reclused, angry weaponry, I will never understand - and I will never understand how I went from cheerful naivety to emotional bitterness. I wonder if we did this to each other and we are now paying the price - or maybe it's just me, my mistakes for my foolishness and my foolish belief in a better tomorrow - a better tomorrow that you kept saying It will come, It will come, Someday, Someday - but it never did. Like the empty inbox and the letters that never came, the phone calls and messages that never came, the call to the airport that never came, and by the time it almost did come, it was too late and I was too tired. Your sorries were always so readily accepted until I just could not accept them anymore.

But damn do I miss you.

Whatever it was, we need to keep on striving, perhaps Le Voeu will exist in the future, a small shining flicker of light in a bleak city, and perhaps it won't be me that will be singing in the corner to you --- and then I will really have to cut a bitch.

2009-09-14T10:35:00.002+11:00

I don't get people who judge others so freely and casually. Please, do the world a favour and shut up. Who are you to judge? What right do you have to criticize the way other people live their lives?
It's frightening how quickly some people judge others without even bothering to think. Who do you think you are? And then you act like you, yourself - are the sweetest angel, the most perfect being to radiate off the face of the earth. ~You're sweet, you're confident, you're amazing, you can do anything, you love everyone!!~
Please, hypocrite, I see right through you. Let me go puke in peace.

There was an episode on the Tyra show the other day about judgemental girls. All I can say is that those who jump too quickly to judge and bitch about others are pretty much simply jealous and bitter themselves.
I feel sorry for you, you selfish, lonely human being who justifies your existence by criticizing virtually unknown strangers just to make you feel better about yourself. I feel sorry for you.

//rant

Anyways, I know this blog has been abandoned for so long.. and now I post again with a rant, lol. Oh dear, I'm terrible. I really should try to update more often.
Boring news about me, hmm, I'm still working my 9-5 office job. It's a lot more fun now we have new co-workers and it's all lads and jokes and all that, but it still takes a lot of willpower to push myself to work in the morning. I've started my training for my riding instructor's certificate and that should be coming along quite nicely. Been looking into taking some courses in animal psychology and therapy, in the future, if I have the time / money. (That's right bitch, I earn my own money. What do you do besides sitting there looking pretty and judging people? Yeah. //mini-rant)

And in other news, Yena's gotten into the London School of Fashion ahhh omg I'm so proud & happy for her! *squeezes* You go Yena Coco, four for you, Yena Coco!

Emma the Rottweiller just had a major surgery which I paid for which saw me waving foodbye to my future pony for at least another half a year (lol) but I don't mind, she's a sweetheart. We do hydrotherapy with her twice a week and I have been giving her home massages which are turning out fun for the both of us! It looks like she will have to be a permanent indoor dog from now on, but I've grown up always around animals, simply learning to pick the fur out and keep shovelling down the food, so I don't mind in the slightest.

My car was in a slight... shall we say, mishap... a few weeks ago, ha ha ha and I almost had a fit. Luckily, not much damage was done but now I think I should get my tyres checked and done - goodbye another few hundred dollars! And yes, both me and my passenger was fine - if you can call me having a heart attack and clawing out my hair fine. He he he, just kidding.

Anyway, that's it for Boring News of The Week. I'm off to watch the VMAs. Fingers crossed for Britney's win! <3

Quietly Contemplative

2009-07-23T00:19:00.000+11:00

"I almost wish we were butterflies who live but three summer days. Three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain "

-John Keats

Officially...

2009-05-13T01:25:00.008+11:00

...legal for me to terrorize the roads as from 2.05pm today!!

Yes, I passed my driving test by a hair's breadth by waiting for hell to freeze over before turning out into main roads, almost veering into an oncoming car, taking up two entire lanes on a road and hitting the brakes instead of changing lanes. Anything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

But I passed, thank the heavens and all above, praise be to ye my Lord!!!

And for the lolz, this made me and McCool LOL until we could LOL no more and he had to retire to the toilet with tears streaming down his face, the poor dear.

This is a Rant Post

2009-05-09T00:06:00.009+11:00

So jumps racing - or more commonly known as steeplechasing - is on the verge of being banned here in Victoria and South Australia. If the ban goes ahead, it's more than likely South Australia will follow immediately.

For the non-horsey dictionary : jumps racing / steeplechasing is basically horse-racing, only it goes very fast over a series of fences in which the horse is required to jump at dangerous speeds.

I am ranting because of the ignorance of people who should just keep their big, fat mouths shut if they don't know anything, otherwise you end up looking like an idiot.

So the industry is in a fair amount of uproar over this controversy - and fair enough, I daresay. I've never been a fan of steeplechasing, in my personal opinion, I think it is foolish and stupid and reckless and dangerous, and go ahead with the ban I say - but I cannot stand people who do not know any better and all they know is to shake their heads and say, "The poor horses! Think of the poor horses!" and then cry their eyes out for "the poor poor horsies!!" And then, oh of course, the inevitable, "All sports regarding horses should be banned! The poor horses! Being enslaved by cruel humans!!!"

No, shut up. Ignorance like that drives me nuts. Yes, steeplechasing is dangerous, but so is cross country, and eventing, and endurance - and yes, even dressage. Yes, accidents happen - and the reason animal activists like to target horse racing so much is because it is so popular. You don't see crowds of millions betting thousands and thousands of dollars on cross country. You don't see the declaration of a public holiday to celebrate the National Dressage Finals or whatchamacallit.
No, horse racing is popular and human nature loves their excitement and glamour and of course, money. If an accident happens at a racecourse, millions of people will witness it straightaway and automatically a media circus is formed. Look at Barbaro, for heaven's sakes!

And yet the many deaths at Badminton, or Burghley, or other world-class equestrian events for 3 day eventing goes unnoticed. Teddy, the hero of 3-day eventing, the underdog who died before his Olympic debut - what newspaper ever reported that? Oh, but everyone knew about Barbaro! Poor Barbaro! What an outrage!! Oh poor, poor Phar Lap!! Oh, the poor horses that died in the steeplechase! The poor dears!

Ban horse riding! Ban it all! Horses are not our slaves! Oh, we are sooo cruel, to inflict them with saddles and bridles and bits and whips and spurs! So cruel! Look, making that poor horse canter a 20-meter circle in that soft sand arena, so cruel! The poor pet, the poppet! Oh, do stop torturing the creature and let me give it a carrot, pray! Let me pet it and coddle it and bring it home and it can sleep on my sofa! So cruel!

SHUT UP. Here, okay, take my horse. Take it home with you and end this cruelty. Sure, keep it in your backyard, let it eat whatever it wants! Feed it all sorts of scraps from your kitchen and spend no less than 5 hours a day cuddling it. Sure! I'll come back in 6 months and I will find my horse transformed into an overweight creature, with bloated guts and severe cases of untreated thrush and laminitis in the feet. I will find a horse turned into a brute which bites and kicks and rolls his eyes at you and rushes you for food, who bucks when you so much as put his rug on, who will not lift his feet, who will not hesitate to knock you over and send you to the hospital en route to Christopher Reeve land.

Because, my dears, that is what happens when you mollycoddle a horse. Sure, don't ride him, that's so cruel! Idiot, horses need exercise. What happens when they don't get exercise? They get all that energy pent up inside and no outlet for it. They keep eating and gorging on your good grass and your endless supply of "yummy sweet treaties for my favourite pony" and they end up overweight and underworked and develop laminitis - which the ignorant horse "saviour" will not recognize and will eventually die.
You cuddle them, ask them to pick up a foot and they refuse - you say, "Ohhh my dear, is something the matter?? Okay, okay I won't force you, let's try again tomorrow." And the horse learns, "Hmmm, okay, this human lets me do whatever I please! Yeahh!" and not tomorrow, not the day after, not ever will they let you pick up a foot again because they learn they can get away with it. If they turn to bite you, it's "Ohhh my poor baby, did I upset you??" and a shitload of petting and soothing commences.
Uh, if someone pet me everytime I bit, I sure as heck would bite a lot more! I mean, surely petting me when I bite means you're rewarding me for doing something right, right?

Idiots.

Stop and consider. Believe it or not, some horses enjoy being worked. Some horses enjoy the exercise, and going out for good hacks, some horses love jumping, and yes - some horses love racing. And think about it. If your horse was valueble, worth say, a good few thousand, would you really abuse it and starve it and whip it till it's precious, expensive coat is scarred with blood and wounds? No. An unhappy horse will not perform as well and willingly as a happy one, and any good trainer knows that.
Compared to the days of old, when horses were thought of merely as dumb beasts of burden and were forced to haul carts of coal around all day, today's world is a much better time for horses, where 90% of horses are kept for leisure purposes. It is good times.
Horses in most places are treated kindly and humanely. They get good feed, good pasture and good stables. They get good grooms who look after their every need. Rugs in winter, fly masks in summer, access to plenty of fresh water, sweet hay, supplements of every kind, vet care, plenty of attention.

There are always a few dodgy places around where horses should be better off dead, but luckily, such places are few and far between nowadays. Horses are no longer driven around in check reins, and as for docking of the tails, it has been illegal for a long time now. Ignorant horse owners are abundant, but education programs are also abundant. And almost every ignorant horse owner will have a good horsey neighbour who will be able to come over and say, "Okay, this is how you muck out a stable, or your horse will get thrush."

And as for the ban on steeplechasing, I know it could be a good thing and lots of (ignorant) people are thinking gladly of the horses who will be "saved from the cruelty." No. This isn't Black Beauty with the happy ending. More than likely, if the ban goes ahead, most of the horses will be shot.
No, this isn't your Neverland where all the horses simply retire and spend the rest of their days happily grazing beside the Fountain of Eternity with fairies dancing in the trees above.

A ban on jumps racing is pretty much destroying the livelihood of many, many people - and I know some people who are jumps jockeys whose careers are now at stake for this - and therefore, money will suddenly be scarce. It is basically robbing someone of their living. They will not afford to send their horses away to retirement farms, and it is likely not many people will want to buy these horses. Money will need to be spent on retraining and rehabilitating them, and who can pay for that?
No, they will be shot, or sent off to the auctions , the knackers or the glue factory, so if you think those poor creatures are finally "rescued", think again.

As for the jerkface trainer on the news who threathened to shoot his horses, cut off their heads and send them to government officers, I hope you rot in hell. Immediately after making his threat, he followed up with, "I love my horses, I do."
No shit, you don't. If you really did love your horses, you wouldn't brag about shooting them on national television, much less lopping off their heads. If you really really loved your horses, you would give them away as pasture companions, if not to be sold as riding horses - as opposed to shooting them. I feel sorry for you, who understands not compassion or empathy. I hope somebody threathens to shoot you and lop off your head, and let's see what you have to say about that.

Unfortunately, that is the way the equine industry works, and sometimes the mass culling of horses is inevitable. There are too many good horses and too little homes. And what do these ignorant self-proclaimed "horse lovers" intend to do about it? Oh, the poor creatures, let them run free! Sure, if we let them run free, where? It is too naive to think that no animal should ever be killed and they can all live happily ever after in nature. Yeah, sure, let's see how that works. We get a mass overpopulation of wild horses, they spill out into the cities and a mass culling by helicopter is forced to take place. Or somehow you miraculously find an endless supply of green pastures and never ending funds to look after all the horses till the end of their lives. Great, just great. Let me know how that goes.

What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that a horse is a commitment. It requires patience, time and a whole lot of money. Whoever says horses are cheap can kiss my tucchus. Your horse will always have some need for funds, be it food, vet bills, tack, shredded rugs, and the amazing ability to get into all sorts of injuries and maladies. Whoever tells me they will have a property where they will rescue all the horses in the world and simply let them sit in the backyard and eat away a long and prosperous life, sure, if you have the fortune of Bill Gates, go ahead, all the more power to you and God bless you. But if you live in a corner block with a 4 acre backyard and work a regular old Joe job daily, then, all the more power to you and God bless you, but those horses will probably be a lot better off in their comfortable stables by the expensive steeplechase race tracks, eating their quality grain and getting their daily exercise, with a vet on 24 hours standby with X-rays, MRI scans and personal nutritionists than with you.

As for me, personally I am all for the ban on steeplechasing. It is a foolish sport and many a good man and horse have been lost for the reckless abandonment of taking horrendous fences at horrendoes speeds. It should not have existed altogether.
I just feel for the hundreds of horses that will probably be needlessly killed as a result, and the hundreds of people who will lose their living.
And for all you ignorant people out there who think that it is better for the horses, do everyone a favour and THINK before you speak. Sometimes, it really isn't.

Nostalgia

2009-04-26T00:31:00.012+11:00

I was simply sitting around today when I was suddenly hit with an immense feeling of nostalgia. McCool was playing videogames when some strange urge overcame me to tell him about burying my childhood dog, Gina - which in turn prompted me to go back and look at old photos of my childhood. Now I'm homesick!

I must say, I think I was quite an adorable little girl! I had this brilliantly red birthmark right in the middle of the forehead - fortunately, I didn't get teased about it too much, thanks to the Sailormoon craze when I was a kid! All the other kids believed I was a real-life Sailor warrior... I claimed myself to be Sailor Mercury (she's my favourite) and in our eyes, we could all somehow see the Sailor Mercury symbol on my forehead, in my birthmark. Therefore, I was cool!!

Anyway, I stumbled upon some old photos when I was revisiting my childhood.

Aww, me and my dear brother when we were teeny kids. He used to take Tae Kwan Do lessons after school and I always wanted to myself - I was a real tomboy! But mum never let me. She claims I was too rough and would hurt the other kids! Instead, she enrolled me for ballet and piano lessons - which I loathed and quit a few weeks after. .... ... Geez, I looked like such a monkey, didn't I!

Translation : I love grandpa and grandma and gina

My passion for art also started at a very young age. Unfortunately, my skills were less than remarkable. My dad took great pains to teach me to draw once he discovered my interest, and I showed my appreciation my drawing him with a head the size of a mutant watermelon.

Translation : I love all the family ♥

On holiday in Barwon Heads, Australia. UGH my brother and I were so cute I want to kidnap us and take us home. Just look at me with that snowman! I wish I could be as photogenic now! I remember sweet old ladies always offering us candy on the bus. Our cuteness was irresistable!

It's always nice to take a trip down Memory Lane. I wish I could be a child again, careless and free.

Uh, since this post was originally about my dogs - who are my family and bestest friends in the world, here's to their memory. RIP, my loves and I'll see you in heaven soon! <3

Darling Gina ♥

My BFF Romario. ♥

Oh, to be 17 Again...

2009-04-20T23:58:00.001+11:00

So probably none of you have noticed that I added these new buttons to the bottom of every post which allows you to share the post on Twitter, RSS feeds, Google reader, Yahoo... just about any internet platform your heart desires. Also to the left, I have added a new feature which enables you to get my updates right in your email! Yay!

...or not, because who on earth wants to be spammed with my posts in your inbox, or feel the urge to talk about my non-existent personal life on Twitter? No no, it just helps me feel slightly better about my blog and also shows that I can do nifty things like 'keep up with the times, my homies!' Did I say that right? I'm getting old.

Anyhoo, I passed my Hazard Perception Test today! For those of you scratching your heads and going, "Hurhh?", the Hazard Perception Test is a requirement in Victoria for people who want to get their driver's license. Basically it's a test where you sit in front of a computer, watch a driving simulation and click the mouse whenever you should slow down, or overtake, or make a turn. It's not as simple as it seems, the video is deceivingly pixelated, which means a pedestrian choosing to dash across the road at the last second looks simply very much like a pixelated insect flying by. I ended the test near tears, convinced I had failed because I chose to overtake a car straight into the oncoming path of a HEAVY DUTY TRAILER TRUCK but the attendant looked at my miserable face and decided to torture me even more by silently stamping those stamp things very loudly and aggresively on my marking sheet. I was horrified and gasped desperately, "Did I fail?? Oh, don't tell me the bad news..." and he tortured me even more by inserting a very long pause, before informing me I did very well indeed.
I have never been more relieved other than the time I finally got my period after it being mysteriously absent for six months, but that is too much information.

Yes, in a few week's time, it will be legal for me to terrorize the streets and legally putting lives of little old ladies in danger!
...please watch out if you see my car hurtling towards you at breakneck speed, because I really do not have homocidal tendencies, I swear.

Also, today is my dear daddy's birthday, and tomorrow is my birthday - I will be turning 22 [applause, please] and am certainly getting on in my years. It is so depressing. I have crashed headlong into a quarter life crisis which feels strangely a lot like a mid-life crisis, and cannot help but feel that the peak of my youth, my vigour, my exuberance and sexuality - are passing me by, blowing kisses and laughing mockingly while it breezes past in a Series 5 BMW convertible.

I call it my Britney years - my early twenties - when legs are long and hair is soft and hips are meant to be gyrated. Of course, after they pass you turn psycho and start attacking cars with umbrellas. Can you blame me for being terrified?!
I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman has never related more to me than now. Just the other night I was singing it pensively to myself, while sitting in a corner weeping. McCool entered the room, saw me, stopped and the look on his face was one of a young parish witnessing his first demon execution. He stood there, as still as a statue for a whole of ten seconds before slowly backing out of the room. Later that night, we were laying in bed to go to sleep when he mustered up enough courage to turn to me and ask, "What's wrong?"
I replied, "I'm turning into a woman."
He paused for a second, then said, "Is this some kind of Britney reference? Are you turning into Britney?"

No, in a few hours I will no longer be 21, I will be 22 - and that is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. Soon, I will be 23, and then 24, and I'll be OLD!! My tummy will no longer be flat, my skin will no longer be perky, my boobs will discover the floor, my hips will lose the ability to swivel...

...I guess I should make it also clear that my skin is crap anyway, and what boobs??

OH GOD I WILL END UP LIKE SUSAN BOYLE!!! Except the singing part. I can't even sing! Cruel, so cruel!

Happy Birthday to me! [sobs]

Case of the Ex

2009-04-15T12:56:00.006+11:00

If there is one thing about the future that I dread to even think about, it would be meeting my ex-boyfriend(s) new girlfriend(s). It's just such a dreadful thought, and I feel sorry for these poor girls if by some uncanny smite from God himself, paths cross and I find myself in the unfortunate position of bumping into an ex and his new girlfriend.

I don't think I would even want to know if an ex-boyfriend is dating someone else. My high school sweetheart is probably still single (this I know from a little thing called Facebook) and for good reason, because he really was a tool - douche - jackass - whatever you call it. And if unfortunately I ever run into him with a new squeeze, I will take great pity on that girl and perhaps tell her to RUN RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN!!
Then again, it's always weird to be the 'ex-girlfriend', isn't it? I would hate for any of these newer, younger chicks to think of me as "that crazy ex-girlfriend". Ugh. C'mon, if a guy ever refers to his ex as crazy, oh maybe, just maybe that guy was a little kooky himself, eh? For example, the tool I dated for that short period in high school - I have no doubt in my mind that if he dates someone new, he will refer to me as the tyrant, mad, insane ex who never even let him sit down to watch a game of football.

In reality, he always rang me when his football game was on, and when I would ask him why wasn't he watching it, he always said, "Oh, nah! I'd much rather be talking to you on the phone, babe!" And then the next day he'd blow up in my face in front of all our friends yelling that I never let him do stuff he wanted like watching football. And I would just look at him like, "You've got to be kidding me."

He would then proceed to check out his hair in the window reflection and whip out that little comb he carries around with him everywhere.

I do, however, sincerely dread the thought of meeting say, McCool's new girlfriend or even Jin's, if they ever do have a new lady in their life. See, people like Jin and McCool, they don't stay single for long. They never do. They always get snapped up quicker than a hobo spying a penny on the ground. Young, handsome, rich - and charming enough to talk the hind leg off a donkey - they are the kind of men that most girls are relentlessly on the hunt for. And I, for one, would not like to know if they ever move on and date some hot German supermodel with the legs of Heidi Klum. No no, I don't want to know, not listening, la-la-la-la-la. I would probably stare bloody daggers at their new girlfriends and prick pins into voodoo dolls with a vengeance so fierce Zeus would appear at my doorstep to recruit me into his army.

If only God would have mercy on me and never put me through the traumatic ordeal of meeting new girlfriends. Which is why staying friends with an ex who was very dear to you on Facebook is never a good idea.

I only hope they will have good things to say about me to their new girls, preferably, "You girls have got a lot to live up to!"

Yeah!

and just like that

2009-04-14T01:15:00.004+11:00

In all the vast animal kingdom, if one ever had to ask what the cutest animal feet are, I would have to say bunnies. And not just because it's Easter, but seriously, just LOOK AT BUNNY FEET!

I have an irrational phobia of feet, this is not a lie, but bunny feet are the only feet in the world that I would not mind putting into my mouth and nomming away. I mean, did you watch Bambi? Those bastards can ice-skate on those feet! Are they not the most awesome feet ever? You go to an ice-skating rink and the attendant asks you what size feet you are, as if you want to wear feet that some tinia-infected person has worn before - and all you have to do is waggle your little bunny toes and hey presto! Instant skis! No fungi toes for me! I would love feet that multi-task like that. And the toes! The little toes!

Check out these adorable bunny feet from Cuteoverload.com

Of course, buying shoes would be a nightmare, but did you ever see any bunny donning Converse Hi-tops?! Those cute bastards wouldn't even be able to get as far as DFO Spencer Street without at least 20 random strangers asking to suck on their toes. Problem solved.

We were watching the Montreal Comedy Festival on TV a while ago and Joan Rivers comes on - she is a well-known female comedian whom I had never heard of up till this point - and she turns the audience into hysterics by talking about how vaginas drop when you grow old. Now - and this was the whole punchline of her skit - most women don't know that their vaginas will drop when you age. She says, our mothers don't tell us this fact. And I, sad to say, am no exception. I sat up, wide-eyed and snorting in astonishment at her skit whilst McCool was rolling on the floor in laughter (apparently vaginas are very funny things to men) and could not believe my ears!

What's this?! What do you mean they drop?? How is it possible to drop?? I know men's balls drop, bless them, but how is it possible it happens to women too?! I am utterly terrified. I do not wish, in 50 years time, to be walking out of Starbucks and bump into a neighbour, who looks down at my feet - and I will have to say, "Oh, I was born with an extra toe...."
And he will look at me with horror, perhaps the question running through his mind would be, "Do you mean Camel Toe???"

God forbid!! This makes me even more averse to old age. I think I will simply freeze myself when I turn 43.

We were on the bus to the mall when a group of young boys boarded - it is school holidays - and they were all dressed in black despite it being a warm 27 degrees outside. They all had long hair, likely to rival Miranda Kerr's luscious locks, and were bleached all colours imaginable. It seems to be lately, and tell me if you've noticed this too, that most guys nowadays look like complete freaks. They do, they do! Long, emo-ish hair, holes in places there should never be holes, clothes that my great-grandmother would buy for me if she were still alive... good god, fuck me, I will never find a decent man to spend the rest of my life with because they are all clearly completely mad!!!

A guy bought himself a full length mirror from Target or Kmart or whatever, it's all the same anyway - and he spend the entire bus journey staring at his reflection in the newly-purchased mirror, which was still wrapped in plastic, mind you - and adjusting his hair!! The bus journey must have lasted a good 45 minutes at least and not once did his eyes avert from his reflection or his fingers from teasing his fringe to fall just right.

Our future lies in the hands of these people, are you not proud and eager to see what the next decade holds. Yay!

Happy Easter, darlings.

Institutionalized

2009-04-06T10:42:00.003+11:00

As I rode on the bus to work this morning, I peered out through the foggy windows and sniffed at the rain-sodden air of a frosty cold morning. On the bus, every day, were commuters just like myself - groggy eyed and bitter about going to work, trying to steal an extra minute's worth of sleep on the ride.

And maybe because it was a Monday morning, just like the hundred and one other Monday mornings before this, or maybe it was because I sat down and watched Shawshank Redemption last night - that I somehow realized we don't really need to be in prison to be prisoners.

After all, it is uncannily similar. We all wake up at the same time, every day - we report to our bosses, we spend a day's work in hard labor - we eat when we are told to, we take our breaks when they are allocated, we go to bed at set times and we have to submit applications for days off. Unless you are your own boss and life is relatively easy for you, masses of other people who live the life of a drone, day in and day out - prison is a term best used loosely.

We are not really truly free. We are always prisoners to society, conforming and adapting to the standards and expectations of what the community wants. Perhaps we are not free until we live like a bird, doing just what we love, whenever and however we want to. Me, I feel free in a sense when I am cantering off on horseback, or when I am simply strolling along the sidewalk hand-in-hand with the person I love - when I am doing something I thoroughly enjoy and choose to do out of choice, and not because I have to pay the bills.

What would we do without our imprisonment? What would we do if left stranded all alone on a completely deserted island - no need to work, play or hunt for food - what would we do? Perhaps most of us would feel lost, maybe even desperate.

I want to break free - I want to do things I want to do, recklessly abandoning all consequences, I want to go far far away with someone I love, I want to wake up whenever I want and I want to work hard because I choose to enjoy the work. Reality is harsh, they say - but so is prison. And escaping from prison is no mean feat - and trying might kill me.

As we all shuffle into work at the same time, dressed in drab tones of grey and black, like a pack of penguins, like clones from Star Wars, perhaps, in a way, we are all already institutionalized.

This guy are sick

2009-04-02T09:29:00.002+11:00

So what is with this new Lady GaGa song? I'm sure you know which one I'm talking about - it's all over the radio airwaves. Something about a disco stick of some sort. It's unbelievable catchy, although I really am not a fan of Lady GaGa.

Let's have some fun, this beat is sick
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick

The damned tune has been on repeat in my head all day long and it's driving me nuts! The radio DJ said it was a pogo stick, and not a disco stick - which does make a bit more sense, because well, don't you kinda bounce on a pogo stick? What the heck is a disco stick anyway? Oh Lady GaGa, I see what you did there!
But when I first heard this song, the line that made my ears really go WHAT was :

Don't think too much
Just bust that dick

Excuse me, WHAT? Did I hear that right??? I almost died laughing. I probably misheard, but that is exactly what it sounds like to me! Omg, isn't that a bit too much to be playing at 9 in the morning?! They go to such great lengths to censor If-You-Seek-Amy, but not for busting that dick? Oh dear.

Yes, I realize that was a little pointless. I'm simply fighting the warriors of boredom at work, so that excuses me for everything.

Shameless Plug : ClickClockCulture

2009-03-29T23:26:00.008+11:00

I finally had a nice, relaxing weekend - after a long week of mind-numbing (and ass-numbing) work. It came as a little bit of dismay when Elly came up and asked me to work on a photoshoot on our joint blog - ClickClockCulture - and the catch was that she wanted to be ready to go in the wee hours of the morning.

So I bid a tearful farewell to my sleep-in Saturday and we traipsed our way tot he the Royal Botanic Gardens for a themed fashion photoshoot.

If you like what you see and would like to see more photos of the very stylish Elly, do head on over to ClickClockCulture and add it to your bookmarks! =)

In other news, I am completely dreading the thought of going back to work tomorrow morning - really, really need to get my clothing label - Midnight Ink - up and running soon so I can quit this humdrum job! I need some motivation! Tell me guys, would you buy some cool animal-print design t-shirts to wear? I really hope this business venture will work out in my favour. =[

Using the toilet at work

2009-03-26T23:18:00.003+11:00

Because there comes a point in time during everyone's life, where you just have to use the bathroom at work. There are no 'laters', no 'buts', no 'not me!' about it. I once knew a co-worker who would refuse to drink and hold in her pee for the entire day, simply because she didn't want to use the office toilet. I have been known to call in late to work in order to sort out my affairs at home beforehand, if you get what I mean. Office toilets are a nightmare. All the judgmental eyes following you as you get out of your seat and stride down the aisle leading to the WC... all of them thinking if you are going to do a No. 1 or No. 2, if you are going to flush properly, if you are going to scrunch or fold... let alone what horrors may await you in the dreaded bowl itself.

There was a period of time where the office toilets broke down, and our bosses resorted to calling in a couple of Porta-Loos to be placed in the car park for us to use. What happened was that they discovered the sewer lines had never been attached in the first place, so there was about half a year's worth of fecal matter brewing underground.. and one day, after one (or more) particularly large dumps of crap, the load gave way.

What ensued was nothing short of a M. Night Shyamalan horror movie, only this time it wasn't killer trees, it was killer poop. Or rather, killer stench.

I do not even want to relive the memories of the days where I had to endure torturous minutes in those Porta-loos - let me just say that I HAVE SEEN THINGS IN THERE THAT NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO SEE. EVER.

So it was nothing short of a celebration when, after several ardous months, the sewer line was fixed and the normal, indoor office toilets were reopened once again. Now, I no longer cared if the whole building knew I was going to the toilets, by god, I WILL use these toilets and I will embrace them, especially after the horrors of months past.

Anyway, just the other day I strolled happily into the ladies' room - it's usually empty and I was surprised to bump into a colleague who had just gone it seconds before I had. I don't know about you, but I always find this awkward. What kind of small talk to you have to make in the toilet?! Especially if the both of you are standing at the sink at the same time. What do you say? "Had a good pee? Mine was a bit yellow, but it didn't smell... how bout yours?"

Unfortunately, I could not devise a strategy to avoid this meeting fast enough - and I had to enter the cubicle the same time she did. The walls are thin - and I am paranoid about people hearing me whizz away, for lack of better word. So there I was, by myself in the little cubicle, panicking as I heard her unzipping her pants in the cubicle next door.
"Oh god," I thought. "If I stay too quiet, she will wonder why I'm not peeing!"
So I remained an idiot and started desperately ripping at toilet paper, messing with the seat, fiddling with my belt - as loudly as I can - and it didn't help that I was absolutely BURSTING to go. But of course, I didn't want her to hear me pee - I just wanted to make some sort of noise so she wouldn't think I'm a toilet freak! In fact, I have a weird hang-up where I don't want anyone to hear any sort of bodily noise from me at all - ever.

Anyways, she started unloading in blissful waterfalls and I became more desperate as my kidneys started threathening to form stones. Finally, I decided that I would pee quietly. How I ever came to that idea, I never knew. There is one thing though - I am a bit of a ninja in the toilet when I need to be... the art is to control your muscles and release ever so gently into a small trickle down the SIDE of the bowl - this is very important people, if it hits the water straight on, it is bound to splash and make a noise. Therefore you have to hit the walls and let it trickle down quietly.

Quite zen, really. My mother would be so proud.

After obtaining some relief, I could not delay any longer - she was still going (good lord, she must've drank like a liter of Gatorade or something) and I had to exit the cubicle. I washed my hands as quickly as hygienely possible and immediately rushed to the hand dryer. See, to avoid making small talk at the sinks, you stand at the hand dryer so that the noise eliminates all possibility of conversation.

Of course, I thought I was doing brilliantly and was feeling quite pleased with myself, until she came out of the cubicle, looked at me, and I accidentally farted.

FML.

(oh, and because the gorgeous Elly over at ClickClockCulture introduced this to me...)

Follow my blog with bloglovin´

Don't say you wanna, don't say you were gonna~

2009-03-22T16:48:00.005+11:00

Time to move away from my monotonous life lately with a little bit of entertainment blogging! And no, I shall not blog about Britney, because God knows I tweet about her way too much already. Crap, I think I'm obsessed. Just the other day I went to the record store and picked up a copy of 2001's Britney Spears Live in Las Vegas DVD and had to smuggle it under my jacket while waiting in line to pay - my friend wouldn't even line up beside me for fear of exile! When I went to the counter to hand over my cash, I was praying that the cashier wouldn't look at me like I was a slutty social outcast and say something cleverly snarky like, "Nice day for herpes!"

Luckily, she didn't - actually I think the cashier is a closet Britney fan as well, judging from the way she nodded slightly in approval as she scanned in my purchase! In actuality, I think a LOT of us are closet Britney fans. That co-worker of yours tapping her heels in time to her headphones as she's typing up a proposal? Yep, Brit fan. That middle-aged man reading the gossip section of the newspaper on the train? Brit fan. That quiet bespectacled girl in the corner that nobody ever notices? Brit fan. That homeless man on the street begging for change? Brit fan. Your gay best friend? Need I say it? BRIT FAN.
I am personally of the opinion that Britney fans get more flak for being her fan than any other celebrity! I have copped more insults, laughs and eye-rolling than your average transsexual for being a Britney fan than for any other reason! And I have had enough!! It's time to embrace my Brit-sexuality!

Also, I'm not sure how this turned into another Britney post when I said it wouldn't! !!!! !!111!! exclamation mark !! ! !!!

Anyways, to move away from all things Spear-related, I have been also somewhat following BoA's and Utada Hikaru's efforts to try and break into the mainstream American market - and falling somewhat short. Oh, it's not that they're no good - in fact they're pretty good - it's just that I think they are trying too hard. I managed to sample both BoA's and Utada's debut American album (well-- in Utada's case, second attempt album) and it is sad to say - even though I am not American (although I follow mainstream pop American music like a cult) and I am 100% Asian (I have seen the Edison Chen sex scandal photos, go me!) - I still find that both albums fall short. Which is sad, because I would really like to see an Asian celebrity make it big states-wise, for a change.

BoA's album - aptly titled 'BoA' (I had to lol at myself for that one) is a compendium of highly charged dance tracks which would not seem out of place at a nightclub. However, tune after tune of highly synthesized dance beats and edited vocals soon gets old real quick. Halfway through, I think I needed a break and was craving a nice, juicy ballad. Once I listened to the first few tracks, everything else started to sound strangely similar. Also, her accent really bothers me. To give her credit, BoA only just recently started learning English, but oh geez, my pet peeve is the fobby english accent and even though she did a fantastic job of concealing it - there are moments when I just wanted to scream, "Make it stop!"

Nevertheless, it is a decent attempt and there are a few catchy tunes which are annoying enough to stay in your head all day long - like the annoying 'Did Ya', the somewhat annoying "I-I-I-I did it - did it - did it -did it - did it - for love", and the even more annoying 'Dress Off'. The english version of 'Girls on Top' quickly became my new jam. Everything else, I press 'Skip' when it comes on my iPod.
Favourite songs : Did Ya, Girls on Top

As for Utada - I am so sad to say that even though it was a decent R&B, mainstream pop album - nothing really jumped out at me. The release single, 'Come back to me' was good, but forgettable. The only track that I loved (and am guilty of having on 'Repeat') is the addictive 'Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI', with little lilts of piano and strings, somewhat reminiscent of her better Japanese material. Every other track sounded exactly the same as any other mainstream R&B / pop album out there and I forgot them all as soon as I heard it. Also, her lyrics are somewhat cringe-worthy. A good album, but not likely to stand out in the crowd.
Favourite songs : Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence - FYI

Overall, I have to say I preferred BoA's album. Perhaps I'm being a little over-critical, and let me say first and foremost that this is just my opinion - but I really wish they would have not tried so hard to be mainstream and just stuck to the kind of music that made them so popular in the East. Utada's songs have always had a unique flavour to them - like Sakura Drops (my personal fav), Sanctuary and Deep River. BoA has always had catchy beats and sweet ballads crossed with killer dance moves - I loved Atlantis Princess, Eien and Lose Your Mind - so really, if it ain't broke, why fix it? Americans do know how to appreciate good tracks, and screaming I I I I did it did it did it for love love love love isn't exactly record-breaking material now.

Although, it did work for Rihanna and her Umbrella ella ella ella eh eh eh eh, so I digress.

Too Much for a Monday

2009-03-16T15:45:00.002+11:00

Growing up and having friends who are mostly boys means that I have become very much desensitized to the countless (and sometimes tasteless) sexual jokes and remarks - I'm shocked that I'm not shocked at the amount of vulgarity I have been exposed to throughout my adolescent years!

However, my ultimately pervert co-worker seems to raise the bar to a whole new level sometimes, especially given that we are in a workplace. A daily ritual of exchanging filthy jokes is routine between us on every single working day, but to wake up on an early Monday morning to this following exchange?

Co-worker : My thighs are sore.

Me : WHAT FROM.

Co-worker : A long, sweaty, satisfying session of s--

Co-worker : Get your mind out of the gutter!

Co-worker : Soccer.

Co-worker : And btw, her thighs are usually sore, not mine.

Me : Omg I so did not need to know that.

Me : My wisdom teeth are bothering me.

Co-worker : Oh no, you need to get them removed.

Me : Shit, what if it impairs my awesome ability to blow---

Me : ---bubbles.

Co-worker : Oh, good one!

Sometimes... I really really wonder about my workplace.

My wallet, I cry with you...

2009-03-16T00:41:00.002+11:00

Now is the time I raise my finger at the economy and yell obscenely obscene language at it. Why, why must it make the US dollar so much stronger than the Australian dollar at such a time?! Whyyy, dammit??

I came across this gorgeous vintage jacket for sale online which I absolutely fell in love with - and at a price tag of $82, really, it's not that bad.

Of course, that is before I take the recession into account.

After happily adding it into my Paypal shopping cart and recalculating the currency exchange, the total almost doubles! Ugh ugh ugh recession, you are crippling my ability to stimulate the economy with some much-wanted retail therapy! At 1am on a Sunday night I am reduced to spending hours in front of the computer screen holding long, thought-out debates with myself on whether or not a simply stunning brown Velveteen bolero is really worth it! This is important, you guys! Do I really need to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a jacket that I probably will only wear once (or twice) and possibly don't even need??? My brain tells me No, but my body tells me Yes Yes Yesss!!!

Dear God, save my soul for I am succumbing to the evil clenches of consumer commercialization. When in doubt, ask yourself, What Would Naruto Do?! (not the Dalai Lama, because he would tell me not to spend on frivolous purchases - but I must wonder at the exact definition of 'frivolous'... is it frivolous when you strut down High Street feeling like a million bucks in your $AUD140 vintage bolero?? IS IT??)

And I can't even wear it horse riding. AHHH FML.

In the end, I can't resist you, my gorgeous vintage bolero.

and cats go Meow

2009-03-11T11:37:00.003+11:00

My co-worker forwarded me this message exchange between him and an IT personnel at work today.

Sometimes... I wonder about my workplace.

hell yeahh britney to tour australia in september!!!

2009-03-04T21:54:00.002+11:00

"In like 20 years when people ask me what the greatest day of my life was I'm not going to say the birth of my kids, the wedding to the love of my life or buying my first home - I'm going to say : The Circus ft Britney Spears."

"It's the second coming of Jesus." --McCool

Yeeeaaaaaahhhhh~!!!!

images from Ohnotheydidnt

Things that make my heart skip a beat [Image Heavy]

2009-02-17T23:46:00.018+11:00

Exciting New Blogs

Pretty Fashion Shoots

Stunning Photography
Breathtakingly Beautiful Horses

Flowers

Great Lighting in Photos

Eye-popping Dance Moves

The Morning After

Beautiful Art

Handsome Men

Good Sex

Mouth-watering Food

New Music
Sweet Kisses

of war and heroines

2009-02-11T23:31:00.007+11:00

When I sit and think about all the women I admire and respect, I realize that they are all strong, independant women with will-power, determination and courage even in the face of adversity. I find that they may have their occasional moments of vulnerability, fear, even loneliness - but they do not waver and they keep ploughing on.

When I meet new people and I suss out who would I most like to be friends with, I find that they are the girls who are strong and know what they want in life, and have a mind and spine of their own. And yet I find that they are also human, and kind and generous and down-to-earth yet amazingly free-spirited.

I remember wanting to be free-spirited, I remember people telling me to stay free-spirited.

Somewhere, I lost sight of these amazing women and reduced myself to the weepy, weak characters I used to loathe.

Somewhere in between that and this, now, I think I remember who I wanted to be, who I should be, and who I will become. I think I understand that every strong woman has her dark days, but the difference between heroines and non-heroines is that the heroines who are truly remembered are the ones that take initiative and keep fighting on - and not wait around for the hero.

I think I used to be strong-willed. I think I used to be impulsive, and stubborn, and refused to wait around for change. I think I used to fight for what was right, and I think I used to look forward, straight ahead. I think you don't have to be a cold, ice-queen to be a strong heroine, I think you can be sweet and kind and gentle and yet possess this amazing inner strength and mentality which simply radiates off you - which makes people look at you and think, "She's a heroine."

I think your hero shouldn't complete you, you should complement each other.

I think I remember what it used to be like to want to be a heroine. I think I can try to be one again.

I think I just will be.

Black Saturday : Plea For Help

2009-02-10T22:16:00.004+11:00

Official death toll is over 200 now and still rising. Over 5000 people are now homeless with over 800 homes destroyed. Fires are still burning and other towns are still in danger. Please help however you can, no matter how small.

Donate to the Bushfire Appeal through the Australian Red Cross or Salvation Army, either by phone or online. You don't have to live in Australia to donate, international aid is more than welcome.

Also, don't forget the animals, donate to Wildlife Victoria and RSPCA Victoria as well as Animal Aid who are working endlessly around the clock to save the millions of pets, stock and wildlife that are now seriously injured and homeless from the devastating fires. Also consider the hundreds of horses which are now homeless or horribly burnt and injured, if you have any means of donating feed or offering agistment - or even any sort of veterinary skills, etc, consider registering to assist or make a financial donation to TripleR Equine Welfare. They have set up a temporary relief shelter at Bendigo Showgrounds, so if you are in the area, Ascot Saddlery in Flemington is also accepting donation of all kinds, from tack to feed to just about whatever you can spare and it will all go towards the horses.

If you are in Australia, perhaps consider donating blood which is desperately needed for hundreds of injured people. Or if there is a Salvos or St Vincents in your local area, drop by with whatever you can spare, from toiletries to underwear to sanitary pads and tampons to pet food... every little bit counts and is greatly appreciated.

For a million other ways to help, click here to see how you can lend a hand during this time of tragedy for Australia.
Ways To Help
and
More Ways To Help

All the flags have been flying at half-mast. It's absolutely heartbreaking. I haven't been able to contact my previous employer, who took me to Gippsland to ride and drive his gorgeous Clydesdale horses. I can only hope that those dear animals are safe and made it through the fires.
God bless you all.

Black Saturday

2009-02-09T00:19:00.003+11:00

My thoughts and condolences go out to all the Victorians who were affected by yesterday's deadly bushfires... it was horrendous, simply horrendous, a real day from hell. I feel for your loss and have you all in my prayers.

How heartbreaking - it has been running on the news all day long for two days now. I turned on the news yesterday only to have my heart completely stop for a whole two seconds and my blood turn completely cold as the newsreader said, "Fire in Keysborough..." and I could barely hear the rest, my stomach was coming up to my throat. Keysborough!! But that's where Blinkbonnie Equestrian Center is! That's where my dear Midnight and Cosmo and Prince and Shrimpy and all the rest of my equine family live! That's where I was supposed to be working, if the hot weather hadn't meant that it would be closed for the day! I could barely even fathom the thought of a deadly fire so close to my babies.

But after a couple of phone calls and manic searching on all the news sites, it seemed Blinkbonnie was safe. The fire wasn't in their surrounding area. Thank goodness.

And then I thought of a good friend of mine who works out in the country where the main fires are burning, and messaged her immediately. Thankfully, she too is out of harm's way.

The whole tragedy is just... incomprehensible. There's over 100+ dead so far and the death toll is still rising. Whole towns have been completely destroyed. The fires are still burning and damned-to-hell arsonists are relighting fires that have been extinguished. I want to vomit when I think about that. More than two towns have been completely razed to the ground and countless charred bodies have been found trapped in cars as they try to escape. A bride lost her husband just two weeks after their marriage. Victoria's dearly beloved newscaster and his family are dead - burnt to the ground. So many homes and families have been lost.
I watch the news and see the blazes burning and I think of the countless horses that have died - it is so heartbreaking. There is footage of farmers walking out over their paddocks, euthanizing their horses and cattle that didn't survive the fire. It's horrifying.

The nearest fire to me was Yarra Glen - which really isn't that far at all - and my entire area was covered in a foreboding, restless fog all day long which had me quite worried. It was so hot and dry and just... a fidgety feeling was in the air all day long. I constantly kept my dog wet and cool, with plenty of ice cubes and kept my eye on the dark smoke surrounding the area. It was very scary.

It's heartbreaking, but please keep all those who have sufferend in your prayers. Help with what you can. Here is a great post with all the ways in which you can help, donations are very much needed right now.
Ways to Help

And to make things worse, my brother rang my at 3am while I was sleeping - to inform me that my grandmother had been rushed to hospital. The doctors are on holiday (imagine that!) so they won't know what is wrong till Tuesday at least. I'm very worried, so if you can, please spare a prayer for my dear grandmother too.

What a day of tragedy. :(

Keep putting one foot in front of the other

2009-02-05T22:52:00.005+11:00

How awesome is this :

When I hear the words 'National Geographic', I immediately think of the gorgeous blonde boy who caught my eye on the bus a few months ago... because he was simple and un-douchey-like, and as he got on the bus, he pulled out a copy of National Geographic and was completely engrossed in it. No boy reads National Geographic anymore. As I left the bus never to see him ever again, I think I loved him then.

When I hear the word 'princess', I immediately think of how I was once a princess - someone's princess. Now I am something like Cinderella, minus the mice and the magic.

When I read the word 'legend', I immediately think of Britney Spears. Let's face it, in 20 years from now your kids will still be bopping along to 'Baby One More Time'. What a queen.

When I see 'roses', I immediately think of the large bouquet I once received on Valentine's Day many, many years ago, from possibly the only boy who ever really truly wanted to try to love me. (I called him crazy and he never spoke to me again.)

When I shed a tear, I immediately think of the first time I ever consciously cried in front of someone else - my mother, in high school, when I lied to her and said my boyfriend dumped me. (It was the other way round.)

When I hear the words' unaldurated happiness' and 'freedom', I immediately think of galloping across a never-ending pasture, with the wind in my hair, on the back of a horse.

I am not a witty writer, nor can I conjure up amazing jokes to put stitches in your side, and my little space doesn't have a hundred pretty photos, nor do I have an interesting daily life to share with the world - but I like to think that what I write is real, and felt from the heart - and perhaps that might be good enough in it's own way. I do not need a million hits or a hundred comments, just knowing that what I write is real at this point in time, that is enough.

And yes, I am also aware that I use too many commas.

post : random

2009-01-29T23:44:00.004+11:00

I love when something really constructive happens and catches you completely by surprise : for example say you tell someone about something that really really bothers you, and you would like some changes to be made - and said person completely ignores you, leaving you dissapointed and wondering if they even heard in the first place.

And then voila, all the changes start happening and you find yourself being treated with more respect. And the moment you realize that your words actually were taken into account - and put into effect - the moment that catches you completely off-guard. That's gold, right there. :) It's funny how sometimes putting your foot down and taking a stand for yourself actually does work! *gaspshockhorror*

Little moments like these make me realize; there is hope yet! :)

gif from Ohnotheydidn't

I'm telling you my babe, it's all in the game of love

2009-01-27T23:23:00.003+11:00

Chinese New Year - and by right, every other day on the calender - really makes you think a little bit more about family. It's a little family tradition growing up in Malaysia whereby whenever a cultural celebration comes out, the big gun companies pull out their best advertisements to celebrate and to get the point across.

Now, not being able to be in KL for this holiday season led me to perusing this year's selection of ads on YouTube. The one I found to be the most poignant - and also made me bawl my eyes out for a good ten minutes or so after - is this year's Chinese New Year message from Petronas. God - there are no words. Watch it. Just watch it.

I know a lot of people who don't get on well with their parents, especially with the changes in generation nowadays. Even my brother and my father have a somewhat strained relationship due to their difference in opinions and headstrong natures. But I was raised in a very traditional Chinese way, where it was all about respecting the elders, regardless of how pissed off you may feel about them.
Growing up as a teenager, of course I rebelled. I was rude, crass and had very strong opinions about myself or how the world should be like around me. Needless to say, there's no doubt I caused my parents a lot of pain and heartache - and being my young 16 year old obnoxious self, I probably didn't give a rat's ass.
Which is so so silly, really. My dad worked so hard to send me overseas to get a good education - and even moreso now with the economic recession - that it really shouldn't matter at all how much our opinions differ, or how different we are in person. In fact, you may come to discover that you are more alike than you think.

My brother too, has hard times dealing with the parents - but at the end of the day he too sits down with me and we both respect and cherish them - and trust me on this - as you grow older, you do start to want to repair broken relationships. I wish now I had not been such a bratty teenager. Every chance I get to fly back to Malaysia now, I spend almost every evening pottering around the garden with my dad as he tends to his beloved orchids, listening to his rambles - drunken or not, regardless of whether I agree or not - I just watch him and I realize, day by day, that he is growing older.
One day, he will dissapear and all I will have left are the memories of the hard work he did to feed and clothe me and raise me. And if I stuck to my stubborness and refused to have a loving relationship with him, the only memories I would have are ones of bitterness, and pain. Every moment he complains of an aching back, every new wrinkle on his face - they ring panic bells within me. Daddy, please don't grow old and leave. I haven't repaid you enough yet. I'm sorry for being a twat. You have every right to be a pissy old man, because you raised me and cared for me and loved me - and even if we may disagree and fight - you will still be my favourite pissy old man and I'm not going to hate you ever, because I know you love me no matter what. And that's all that should be important really, in our relationship.

Regardless of things that have happened in my past, I am still thankful for the family that shaped me into the person I have become. And whilst we are still on the topic of depressing Chinese New Year ads, here is another classic from years past :

Speaks for itself. I hope these made you stop and think about your families for a little bit. If you didn't make it home for Chinese New Year (or any other celebration your family celebrates), give them a call or write a letter. No parent wants to be shut out from their kid's life, even if they may sometimes claim otherwise. I rang my home back in KL yesterday and my dear grandmother was beside herself with joy to hear my voice. So was my dad, even though he didn't show it. Preach - love one another. =)

And on a more amusing note (but no less poignant and completely related to the post at hand), have a dose of warm hearted humour with a meaningful and amusing message. =)

Anyways!! Enough depression for one night! Dear god! Looks like it might rain in here! xD In other news, it has been a good day! Not only did I receive surprisingly generous red packets from both my boss and Mum, I also got my pay rise AND my extra pay check from working at the stables! Whee! Also I had a simply awesome ride on Cosmo (the best pony in the world) today, jumping the cross country course over all the big logs!

I think tomorrow will be a good day too. The weather is warming up and the skies are blue!

Much loves! <3

Viens plutôt contre moi !

2009-01-25T13:07:00.006+11:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

I just had a very relaxing weekend, staying at home in Pjs, surfing Ohnotheydidnt (my guilty pleasure - and Oprah's too!), eating chips and singing at the top of my lungs karaoke style to cheesy, old-school Backstreet Boys and N*Sync songs, simply because I have the whole house to myself!

If there's ever a miracle cure for broken hearts and shitty lives, self-karaoke would be it.

Also, it's been way too long since I've been able to listen to cheesy love songs and watch chick flicks and endure sights of happy couples without wanting to commit Seppuku - that I think it's quite a bit of a miracle that I can belt out "This I Promise You" without the slightest hint of heartache! Mmm, progress. Loves it!

I think it's safe to kiss those tearful, lonely nights goodbye. Bye bye bbs of the miserable past, you no longer bother me! 100% recovery? I think so!

It is a matter of my opinion that all songs sound better in French, for example I have just recently discovered the very sassy number Je Ne Parle Pas Français by Girls Aloud (Youtube it!) and I think I will learn French just from listening to this song on repeat. Lest by some fortunate incident I someday shack up with a very smexxy French guy, at least I'll be able to say "I can't speak French ~~but you can french me anyday, bb~~!"
Just two days ago I was discussing the intriguing subject of hot French men with my co-worker - because hot French men are so relevant to work! - and my co-worker promptly informed me that all French men are skeevy, scruffy, dirty pervs. I beg to differ, because clearly he has never laid eyes on the beauty that is Gaspard Ulliel, whom once again, Ohnotheydidnt has introduced to me. I now live in a disillusioned world where all French guys look and sound like Gaspard Ulliel. And if I have a future lover, I will list a new criteria whereby French is mandatory in the bedroom. Also, Gaspard Ulliel, Gaspard Ulliel, Gaspard Ulliel. I think he is my new favourite Google Search term.

Here Gaspard, have my ~bedroom eyes~.

Tonight, I go back to my brother's place to have a steamboat reunion dinner with Mum. I'm quite looking forward to it because - well, hello - Steamboat! Yumm. No doubt mum will have my favourite beef tendon balls - those are the shiz!

Anyways, hooray for change and hope and optimism etc etc! Watching that First Dance between Obama and Michelle made me bawl my eyes out and want to throw my shoe at the screen before, because I have been turned into a bitter and cynical bitch about love, but now I think I'm okay with it. In fact, now I'm determined that someday I will have that too! Yes I will!

For now I will go and keep singing ~~screeching~~ songs at the top of my lungs, hoping that the neighbour doesn't come knocking and tell me to shut my big pie hole.

Much loves!

all gifs from Ohnotheydidnt. <3

2009-01-19T00:26:00.002+11:00

Some days are easy, and some days are tough. Some days are just so hard - and there's always a flow, an up and a down, a rough and a smooth. It feels as though most days are more rough than smooth and at times I feel like I should be in some kind of rehab center because some days, it is just. so. difficult.

Days, nights, what's the difference. You ever get the feeling where you really want something - and yet at the same time you want something completely different altogether? And it's hard to be happy for people even if you know you should - because it's something you want more than anything else and they have it so - so easy.

But don't burst into tears just yet - like you always do, love - because you're hanging in there just like that little fruit bat that's got caught up in a nasty piece of barbed wire. You'll get free somehow - even with the holes and tears in your wings - you'll get free.

Surely everything happens for a reason. Surely. And just like everything else, this too, shall pass.
And perhaps - just perhaps - tomorrow, it will be one of the easier days.

ain't nothing wrong with a little bit of trouble

2009-01-04T00:02:00.003+11:00

Day 1 : I stood at the door, biting my lip and trying to hide my trembling hands behind my back. Constantly shifting my weight so nobody could see that I had shaky knees underneath my sweatpants. Smiling - or at least thinking I was. As soon as the door closed, I returned to the room and stood in silence for about five minutes or so. And then I bawled my eyes out.

Day 2 : I got up extra early to go to work - not that I slept much anyway. I kept my phone in my hand the entire day. But I didn't cry.

Day 3 : I took my phone everywhere with me. Into the shower. Out shopping. While I was cooking in the kitchen. While I was feeding the dog. In the toilet. At 3 am I was staring at my phone quietly. But I didn't cry.

Day 4 : A good friend came to visit me and stayed talking till 4 am. I had my phone beside me. I took one look at it and went to sleep. Hello, 2009.

Day 5 : All the chores are done. I clean the house, take out the trash, clean up after the dog, vacuum the floors. I listen to Britney Spears and sing along a little, like some wannabe karaoke diva in a sleazy bar on a Friday night. Everything looks spick and span. Spotless. Perfect. The dog comes and sits beside me. I look quietly at her. And then I start to bawl. She nuzzles me and comforts me with licks and whines as I cry all night through.

Day 6 : My phone sits on the desk next to my hand. Suddenly, it buzzes. I stop to look at it. Then, I pick it up and throw it across the room, so it bangs against the wall and falls to the bed with a thud. And I didn't cry.

Happy 2009. Don't blame the years for dealing you with obstacles, trials, troubles and tribulations. When obstacles crop up, use them as stepping stones, and you'll get somewhere.

Even though it feels like shit will never end, hang in there. Good will come eventually. Even in times of great uncertainty and doubt and loss, good will come.

Please keep trying, self.

hiatus

2008-10-27T00:23:00.001+11:00

Sorry for not updating in such a long time and being out of contact... the truth is I have a lot of pretty unforeseen serious real-life issues to deal with lately and it's taking me a while to sort them out.

I'll be back to normal as soon as I can. Till then, much love. <3

still looking for that special kind of love

2008-10-10T00:19:00.001+11:00

"'I am no king, and I am no lord,
And I am no soldier at arms,' said he.
'I'm none but a harper, and a very poor harper,
That am come hither to wed with ye.'

"'If you were a lord, you should be my lord,
And the same if you were a thief,' said she.
'And if you are a harper, you shall be my harper,
For it makes no matter to me, to me,
For it makes no matter to me.'

"'But what if it prove that I am no harper?
That I lied for your love most monstrously?'
'Why, then I'll teach you to play and sing,
For I dearly love a good harp,' said she."

forever young

2008-10-03T01:23:00.000+11:00

Recently I've been watching episodes of School Rumble: Season 2 (if anyone remembers, I used to fangirl a fair bit over School Rumble 1 back in the Xanga days) and I think I'm addicted again.

I can't stand the cutesy fluff that is Tenma x Karasuma-kun! Oh god, I'm going to have a heart attack. They need to get together already!! They're so cute, my cute-o-meter can't take it!!! Hanai and Suou also need to get together. God, what is with this anime?! It's been so long since I shipped, well, anything really - I haven't shipped much since the hype of the Cloud x Aerith fandom and now I once more have urges to draw Tenma x Karasuma and google fansites and all the nerdy nerdy stuff - ahhh!! Although I do kinda miss shipping fictional pairings, my inner nerd warns me that normal 21 year olds really shouldn't care that much about something that happens on a screen. T___T

Spring is totally on the way and watching all this anime is making me want to relive my youth! Besides School Rumble 2, I've been rewatching Full Metal Panic (Sousuke and Kaname NEED to get together, like NOW) and it doesn't help that they're all pretty much centered around high school! I so miss the young, carefree days of having fun and playing hard and schoolgirl crushes, aieee! Matter of fact is, I really can't quite remember the last time I blushed or had butterflies in my stomach. It makes me feel so old!! T__T Don't even talk about finding a job - I'm quite willing to say that I've applied to almost every single company that exists in Melbourne and not one has replied. I have $5 left in my bank account and am on the brink of jumping off a tall building. That is, if I can afford the admission fee.

Lately I really wish I was back in high school. Hey, who would've known those adults were right when they said back then, "You'll miss high school when you're older!" Why didn't I listen? T__T I wish I was young again, playing sport and fooling around and teasing boys and studying for exams. AAAA I feel like tearing out my hair. Spring and summer always make me mope about my lost youth. LOL I sound like an old whingy grandma and I'm only 21!! T___T

What a depressing blog entry! I suppose I should stop now. Oh, for the springtime of my youth!! T__T

lollipop, you must mistake me for a sucker

2008-09-29T00:55:00.000+11:00

Oh dear, I have a new guilty pleasure. Britney's new single 'Womanizer'... dear god. It's definitely no Mozart but good lord, I can't stop playing it! Why are trashy pop songs so catchy? LOL I heart Brit-brit for keeping me addicted.

I can't stop playing it lol. It's keeping me sane lately.

boy don't try to front ah-ah
I know just what you are ah-ah

pimpage

2008-09-08T17:18:00.000+11:00

Pretty much god-damn massive art dumps over at my Art Journal. Good lord, it's been ages. I'm so ashamed of myself.

Go take a look! Click on link or image above to be magically transported to Yin's horrible attempt to recover from a year long art slump. (plus I'm broke and maybe if you like what you see you can commission me, eh?) *wink wink nudge nugde*

Did you like the flower? It flew 10,000 miles for you

2008-09-06T00:13:00.000+11:00

I'm very thankful for spring. No matter how gloomy I feel when I wake in the morning, it always puts a smile on my face to peer out of the window with one eye and see bright blue skies and colourful flowers growing in the driveway.

The flowers, oh the flowers! It's so lovely to see them blooming everywhere. Even one man's trash by the roadside looks prettier with wild daisies peeking out from underneath. I've been feeling rather blue lately and so to cheer myself up today, I bought a bouquet of pretty flowers for me. They sit in a pretty vase by the kitchen window and makes doing dishes a little more pleasant. I wonder why I don't buy flowers for myself more often, instead of always waiting in futility to receive them.

People think flowers are overrated but I beg to differ. And life's little pleasantries like music, laying in bed during rain, long walks by the beach - that are all viewed as so cliche by some - well, I just think that I'd rather have all these cliches instead of the oddities that are preferred by others.

Haha, I'm rambling. I think it's the season change that's filling me with a certain sense of nostalgia. That, and recent events that just have me sitting quietly by the window. I can't wait for summer and the warm rainfall, to stroll in the drops with a hoodie. And sit out by the sea in day, watching my hair fly away as I dream of bygone days.

I feel like travelling. (but I am broke, boo hoo D: )

Happy Merdeka! Pass the ikan bakar please.

2008-09-01T01:25:00.000+11:00

I have a strange, subconscious fascination with Chinese culture it seems. Somehow no matter what I draw, there always seems to have some kind of oriental influence in it - one of the prints I created for a t-shirt design was looked at by McCool and he couldn't help but ask if horses originated from China, because based on my drawings, it appears so.

Good grief.

Anyways, I've been watching old FF8 videos and good lord I feel like playing the game again despite already having played it 2873197342132 times and not completing it even once.

The eastern influence continues as I rewatch an old Wang LeeHom video I found on my hard drive (Shieve would be proud of me) and I love all the chinese motifs and the erhu music. McCool is getting quite fed up as I insist for the nth time that I am a distant descendant of an ancient Chinese Emperor (it is quite true, my grandparents told me!) and I do happen to think that Asian girls do indeed have more lovely features than most others. (don't kill me.)

Oh, and it's Merdeka! Happy Independance Day, Malaysia! I celebrated very patriotically by staying at home with crippling tummy cramps, whinging and bitching my way through Tanggal 31, bulan lapan, lima puluh tujuh. Oh, tanahairku! I mean, seriously - we can send humans to the moon but we can't invent a simple painkiller for that time of the month?! Which may be too much information, but I am so sick of being unable to get out of bed every once a month because my cramps are just waaaayyy too crippling. It sucks, not even Panadol works and I don't want to take birth control pills for these pains because then my mum will think I'm having sex (which I am NOT - unfortunately) and my very asian family will probably go berserk. Or not. I am very legally 21. But that's beside the point! The point is I need some drugs for this torture and there ain't any in the market! Don't people realize how much a wonder pill will sell?! Billions of women would buy it to ease cramps without the side effects of hormonal mood swings! They'd go crazy! Eureka, it'd be a bigger invention than the lightbulb!

Good god humanity, can we please focus our energy on creating a woman-friendly medicine that will get rid of 'that time of the month' forever!? Or at least ease the pain. I'm on my hands and knees here.

Yes, I believe that was waaayyy too much information, but what the heck. I just missed out on an entire day of work because the pain was too great that I was reduced to crying underneath the covers. CRYING. Oh, woman.

What else is new? Hmm, not much really. We have two new ponies at the barn and they are the cutest things in existence. I almost faint everytime I walk past their paddock so now I have to exercise self-control not to walk down that area because little Mango and Barney come trotting up asking to be petted and oh lord, they are too cute to be true, excuse me I need to faint from the cute. Fat, tubby, fuzzy little things - I have no words. I have no words!

Spring is finally breaking over Melbourne and I have never been more grateful to see the cherry blossoms burst into colour down every street and suburb. The temperature is finally getting warmer - and hello sun! I almost forgot you existed! Oh, bring back the glory days of skirts and tank tops - I can't wait to be able to sprint down to the beach and leap into the water! Go horse-riding in a t-shirt! Drink frappucinos with my sunnies on! C'mon summer - I'm ready. After wearing 6 layers daily in winter - including two thick jackets, a fuzzy scarf and a chunky beanie (honestly I don't even know what my face looks like anymore after three months of hiding behind wool) - there is no doubt that underneath my skin is as pale as a luminous glow worm, a truly horrendous sight that causes passer bys to sprint in the opposite direction - I AM PREPARED to spend hours mucking around in glorious sunlight to get my tan back! Horse riding in 46 degree weather, here I come!!! :D And omg, SHAVED LEGS once again!

Yes, I have committed the deadly sin of not shaving my legs in winter. C'mon, who does?! Admit it, the fuzz keeps you warm! McCool pulled my pants up the other night to tickle my legs and I shrieked one to put a banshee to shame - and I kid you not - in one tenth of a second, he sprang back in horror and recoiled like a poked milipede with the kind of look on his face that one should only wear when confronting an undead zombie. Of course, this is Australia and our ads are plastered with girls donning smooth, tanned, perfect legs (thanks a lot, Bonds!) so to find a carpet growing on mine was not really what poor McCool was expecting at all. In revenge of course, I promptly grabbed my tweezer and pulled out a few of his manly leg hairs very cruelly - what can I say, I'm a bitch.
But yes, far from topic - shaved legs are returning in time for spring and I cannot wait to get rid of my walking fluroescent lights once again!! Come here shorts and skirts and thongs and sandals and everything in between!

I think that's all I have to ramble about tonight. There's really not that much to talk about and one can only pray that more exciting things comes this way - even if only for blogging fodder - because right now my life is quite uneventful. Waiting for a reply from potential employees is nerve-wrecking stuff - and watching McCool take admiring photos of his beer is about as interesting as watching paint dry. I can't wait for the interent to speed back up so I can watch this year's Merdeka ads on YouTube! Ah, life! Thou art strange in thy workings!

OMGGGGGG

2008-08-23T15:40:00.000+11:00

OMG I AM SO EXCITED I JUST HAVE TO LET THIS OUT!!!

before I explode askjaslkdhakjldhasd

Also I don't want to jinx myself but if I don't scream soon my head will come out of my ass. Don't jinx it don't jinx it don't jinx it omgggg.

See what happened is that I contacted GiddyUp Girls, which is a Queensland based company which designs trendy clothing for horsey people. It is like the Billabong/Roxy/Quicksilver for horse people, if you like. Anyway, I asked if they would take me on to do a few designs for their clothing range. I assumed they would say no (because there are only so many rejections I can take =_=) and I didn't have a very impressive folio - in fact I didn't even show them my folio.

Anyways, I'm desperate for work and just thinking they would definitely say No - I mean this is a big well known company with probably many great designers already. BUT the owner herself mailed me back and gave me a design brief for me to design their SUMMER 2008 RANGE!!! OMGGGG!! I AM BEYOND ECSTATIC!!!

It's like a dream come true!!! I get to sit down and design from home as creatively as I like - PLUS it's horse related!! It's like the best dream job ever!! I want to dance! I want to sing! Aaaahh!

Okay, okay, let's not jump our guns. There's no guarantee they will use my designs, or even like them! So now I've got to work REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD on these designs and hope and hope and pray that they will like it! Otherwise I don't get paid a cent and go down in history as the biggest Epic Fail ever. =_=
So I have to really grab this chance and appreciate this fantastic opportunity God has thrown my way... oh god oh god, my brain is just all jumbled with joy and DETERMINATION OMG I WILL SUCCEED and just asdajdhajshdaff AHH.

I'm going to sit at the desk and SLAVE AWAY from now until I finish the designs!! No more play for me! It's all work from now on! WORK WORK WORK!! Instant noodles, you are now my best friend, hiiieee! Omg, I feel hyper. Cross your fingers! Wish me luck! Pray I don't die in the process! Pray they accept my designs and illustrations! And then you will be looking at Yin Choo : Clothing Designer!! OMG! And if that does happen, you will all have to buy a T-shirt, I don't care if you like horses or not, just buy it omg!!! :D :D :D

I hope things will work out from here on! YOSH YIN GANBATTTEEE!! ON FIREEE!!! ATSUI DESU NEEEEEE~!! OVER 900,000~!!!!! I CAN DO IT!!! \(>w<)/!!!

Backdated Entry : August 9th 2008

2008-08-19T00:09:00.000+11:00

For the first time in my life ever, everyone in the house is in the living room watching the Olympics whilst I stay alone in the room in front of the computer. God knows why I'm opting to anti-socialize myself instead of enjoying the games like I usually do. Perhaps it's because I wasn't invited along out to the living room to watch - and I am an idiot like that - and can't bring myself to just casually saunter out there, "Hey, what's on?" and settle down on the couch like any normal human being. Even though I dearly would like to go watch.

Guh.

I have to admit I'm still a little uncomfortable living with McCool's family despite having lived here for the past half a year or so already. (By family I mean just one sister, but even one extra person freaks me out. It takes me half an hour to make up my mind what time to shower just because the bathroom is outside her room - also McCool refuses to fix the door on the bathroom downstairs so I have no choice but to run upstairs. D: ) Let's face it, I'm a social idiot. The facade of confidence that extrudes itself to clients during work is - shall I call it my other self - kind of like Miyazawa in Kare Kano, only a thousand times more epic fail.

Guh!

Oh, and congratulations to Lee Chong Wei for winning the silver in the Badminton! I think it's a jolly good job and just having a Malaysian on the podiums finally makes me beam a little inside. And shame on anyone who chides him for not winning a gold! Let's see you try and win an Olympic medal before opening your fat mouth.

Backdated entry time! Sydney Trip Day 6 :

------

It's our final day in Sydney so not much was on the itinerary besides wander around the city a bit. We walked out towards Hyde Park and visited the War Memorial before making our way to Kinokuniya to buy some souvenirs for family back home. Frankly, I was bored sick of the city so kudos to McCool for enduring my constant stream of bitching and whining throughout.

We stayed in Kino for the whole day picking out gifts (and god knows why we bought everything from Kino - it's as if there's nothing else on sale in Sydney!) and purchased a book with a set of cute origami crane earrings for McCool's sisters, and I got a ducky keychain and a ducky toy for my brother. Don't ask about the ducks, it's his fetish or something akin to it.

In an effort to qualm my whinging, McCool whisked us off to Darling Harbour after our shopping trip to visit the Sydney Wildlife World. Ah, you can tell one really understands me when one knows that the few things that will shut me up are animals and nature. I was instantly quietened (note : spoilt bitch) and had a great time. I insist, there are never too many times to see koalas and kangaroos up close. McCool had great fun with the bugs, insects and reptiles and we both agreed it was much more enjoyable than the Aquarium. We got to touch lizards and stick insects and some sort of iguana - and two adorable doves followed us around in the bird enclosure. I was dying from the Cute Overload of the koalas sleeping in the trees. Oh my!

McCool doing his best frog impersonation

so close to the roos!

As it was our last night in Sydney, we went back to Fujiya for dinner

strangest parfait ever, with cornflakes in it

Backdated Entry : August 8th 2008

2008-08-17T23:47:00.000+11:00

We woke up today determined to head down the The Rocks at Sydney Harbour to have lunch at Pancakes on the Rocks, one of Sydney's most famous pancake restaurants. Alas, the sky finally spelled something like rain, so we decided to wait out the showers at the Sydney Aquarium instead.

the penguins looked like they were freezing!

We've both been to the aquarium before, so it wasn't really that exciting - we spent the most time watching the adorable seals, but it really did feel a bit like a waste of precious ticket money.

The rain had let up by the time we finished, so we hopped on a ferry from Darling Harbour to Circular Quay, and made our way to the Rocks. It wasn't long before we were quite lost and started squabbling like those annoying couples on the Amazing Race. It was by chance we finally managed to stumble on the restaurant and sank in with immense relief. The pancakes were okay... but the menu certainly had more variety than Melbourne's Pancake Parlour. We ordered a main each and shared a yummy dessert chocolate pancake with strawberries, which was a little too indulgent if I may say so myself.

After a good lunch, we walked down underneath the Harbour Bridge where once again a difference of opinion led to another Amazing Race-like fight. I thought it would be fun to cross the Harbour Bridge, explore the island on the other side, and catch the ferry home from there. McCool wanted to take a walk by the highway over across the city and down to the Opera House. I didn't fancy walking alongside busy roads and countless cards during peak hour - but McCool won the fight and we endured rush hour traffic and city dirt on our faces as I smirked "I told you so" - not very helpful.

We took an elevator down to Circular Quay and made our way towards the Opera House where I expressed an interest in the Botanical Gardens, but the sun was setting and we thought it be best to head back to the hotel instead.

the harbour bridge at dusk

still best friends despite all the fighting

It was also Olympics night! So we stayed indoors all night watching the opening ceremony (rather : I watching and he whinging), with McCool popping out to take away dinner from a Japanese eatery nearby.

Also, a mistake with last night's post : dinner wasn't at Pepper Lunch, that was the night before. Instead, it was 'Din Tai Fung' a famous Taiwan chain of restaurants specializing in 'xiao long pao' - Shanghai Dumplings. You think you've had the best ones in the world until you try one of these babies. They simply explode in your mouth! I died and went to heaven the moment I took my first bite. Simply yum!

oh so yummy!

Backdated Entry : August 7th 2008

2008-08-16T23:29:00.002+11:00

I was a little bit confused when most of my Malaysian friends were blogging in caps lock about "OMG LEE CHONG WEI", "GOLD FOR MALAYSIA", "I LOVE CHONG WEI!!" and the likes.
After an intensive Google search, I must now jump on the bandwagon.

BERUSAHALAH LEE CHONG WEI!! :D

In case you're wondering - like I was - Lee Chong Wei is a badminton player who is representing Malaysia at the Olympics and he has guaranteed himself a silver medal after winning a match against Korea and tomorrow he will be playing against China for the gold medal! Depressing as it sounds, it could be Malaysia's first gold medal in an Olympics... ever! I can't believe I'm this excited lol. Out comes my hidden nationalistic pride!

Anyways, I spent some time reading up articles about the match on Malaysian newspaper websites, and I found this excerpt from his father particularly amusing :

On Chong Wei’s match yesterday, his father said: “I would give him 65 out of 100 points. He made many mistakes in the second game. I hope he will cut down on the mistakes when he plays Lin Dan. But he did well in the decider.”

LOL. Isn't that so typically Malaysian?? I can just so imagine this old man in a white singlet and wooden fan sitting in front of the TV, yelling "Not like that lah!! Must hit harder, harder wan!! Aiyoh, my dog can play better than you!!"

Because every Malaysian dad is a Gold Medal Olympian, seriously.

Anyways, backdated entry time!

-------

After a fairly more peaceful night than the previous, my tummy seemed to be on a road to improvement, so what with the Sydney weather promising a beautiful day, we decided to go ahead and make the trip to Manly, 30 minutes north of Sydney via a ferry service.

It was a fairly comfortable trip on a fairly comfortable ferry and when we got there, the first thing to catch McCool's eye is the Bavarian Bier Cafe, located right on the wharves of Manly. Good lord knows that boy drinks enough, so we walked down towards the famous Manly Surf Beach through the Corso, which is Manly's shopping and cafe strip.

took off my sunnies for the glare of sunlight

mccool taking in the sunshine during lunch

I think Manly beats Bondi hands down. The water is so clear and blue and the waves are simply gorgeous! It's nowhere as crowded as Bondi either. After gaping in awe at the beauty for a few stunned minutes, we decided to sit down for a good ol' fashioned lunch of fish&chips. Unfortunately, Sydney weather lies and no sooner than we had put the last bite of food in our mouths, it began to pour! Not just rain for that matter, but hail as well! What a bummer! McCool was actually pleased however, as this worked in his favour and we ended up taking shelter in the Bavarian Bier Cafe, where he sampled a couple of rare and authentic German beers.

interior of Bavarian Bier Cafe

The rain soon stopped and I dragged my male counterpart back out into the sunshine for long walks on the beach. It was great fun, but what with impending clouds looming over the horizon, we decided not to risk it and merely walked down the beach and back. Not before stopping to make fun of a fat man taking a dip in the ocean waters. Ah, we are so immature! I deserve to be punished by God. =p

is it mean that we took photos of him?? lol!

Still, it was great to feel sand on my feet and running from waves again! I had so much fun! Ah, for a life by the beach... bring on summer!

mccool doing a Kairi

On the way back we were treated to a spectacular sunset by Sydney's harbour.

By the time we headed back to the city, it was dark and we started our nightly hunt for food. This time we settled on a curious looking eatery from Japan, called Pepper Lunch. I had a the 'hamburger and fried egg set' whilst McCool settled from steak. The food was served to us on a sizzling plate for us to cook ourselves and whilst was a delightful experience, the portions were somewhat small and we both wholeheartedly agreed that the 'Lunch' in it's name was for obvious reasons.

I'm quite satisfied with my visit to the beach and as a result, am happy to let McCool decide tomorrow's activities. Falling asleep was not a problem for now!

Backdated Entry : August 6th 2008

2008-08-16T01:33:00.000+11:00

I travelled back in time today. McCool, his sister and I went to the National Art Gallery of Victoria to go to the Art Deco Exhibition which is on at the moment. Elly (his sister) dressed exactly the part, stylish beanie included. Anyways, it was quite interesting, although I am quite ashamed to say McCool and I yawned quite a fair bit throughout! Art graduates indeed.

sculptures at the entrance of the gallery

It's worth having a look if you're interested in that sort of thing, though. Tickets cost $22 for adults and about $18 for concession.

I liked it, although the whole art deco movement really didn't appeal to me. Blocky shapes, bold outlines and bright, contrasting colours were never really my thing. I prefer the Renaissance chapter in art history, but now I think I should shut up and quit trying to sound like a professor, hehe.

me being a retard outside the gallery

Backdated entry time!

------

I woke up still bedridden with the pain from my gastric night, and could barely move to go anywhere. Unfortunately for me, we had a lunch appointment with one of my old Uni friends today, and McCool was kind enough to stay with me in the hotel until afternoon. It began to rain as well, and with much much effort I managed to get out of pain and get dressed very slowly. McCool went as far as to put on my socks for me, good lord I'd never had the pain this bad before.

I figured I could walk if I took it really really slowly - my entire abdomen felt like how one would feel after climbing up Mount Everest with the fitness level of a sloth. God knows what triggered the pain - all I wanted was for it to be over!

My friend met up with us in the hotel lobby and she and McCool very patiently walked slowly alongside me as we headed to a popular Korean eatery a few blocks away. I was feeling a little bit better by the time lunch was over, so we went to Kinokuniya before my friend had to leave for basketball practice. Me and McCool kept walking (slowly) around the city for a bit, stopping for tea at the Old Vienna Coffee House in the historic Queen Victoria building, before hopping on the monorail and doing a few laps around the city till dinner.

mccool enjoying coffee at the old vienna coffee house

So all in all, a very uneventful day and as I collapsed groaning into the hotel bed I could only pray that the pain is fully gone by tomorrow... because I wanna hit the beach!

2008-08-14T03:00:00.000+11:00

Every time I hold my rusty guitar
That song seizes my heart
Even now, the days are still gloomy
It’s here that I’m searching for you

But I think
We’re surely living for someone

The sun surely remembers it all
Can you hear me?

You said you wouldn’t show tears
And we waved to each other
We didn’t say goodbye so we waved
And you disappeared into the sunset, I remember you

I’m still the same as I was then
But I have a little more confidence, yeah…

I’m holding back my tears, I promise
I have to be stronger than anybody
We don’t need to say goodbye, when I close my eyes
I can see you right away, I remember you

Backdated Entry : August 5th 2008

2008-08-14T00:01:00.000+11:00

Oh god, I think I almost suffered a heart attack and died watching the Eventing Finals last night!! Megan Jones and that heartbreaking final jump!! I can't believe it!!! We were robbed, ROBBED I tell you!!

Only kidding, Germany rode really well - but OH MAN I was so bummed! I was full on yelling at the screen - that last rail!! How unbelievable!! Still, it's bloody brilliant for Australia to get a Silver medal, especially as this year's team have never been to the Olympics before - to get a Silver in their very first Olympics is just Mighty Grand, I would say! What an honour! And what a ride - kept me at the edge of my seat throughout!

Also, I think I am officially in love with Ringwould Jaguar - Sonja Johnson's horse. Go, Aussie Stock Horse! What an amazing mount!

Anyways, I watched the Dark Knight today - slow, I know - and left the cinema feeling quite traumatized. I'm not sure a Batman movie should be so scary.. ha ha ha. I'm just a big wuss.

Backdated entry time!

------

We jumped on a cruise ship which would take us around the harbour before dropping us off at Taronga Zoo, where I was looking forward to getting on the Sky Safari - which is a cable car which lifts you all the way above the island to the top entrance of the zoo. Unfortunately, it was shut! I was quite dissapointed and we ended up waiting around at the pier for 20 minutes before a bus came to take us to the top.

making a funny upset face with the closed cable cars... my main goal now is to grow my hair out! Short hair is nice and all, but I really want my long hair back!

The zoo was delightfully wonderful, we caught the Seal Show and the award-winning free flight bird show, which I absolutely loved. How do they train those birds?! Simply amazing! McCool spent a vast amount of his life enthralled in front of the gorilla enclosure whilst I watched the zebras and fantasized about galloping across the Serengetti on their backs.

very cute zebras

and some very cute koalas

stunning views of the city from the giraffe enclosure

lovely shot of a mountain goat

The highlight of the day, however, was the cruise back to the city - we were standing out on the deck of the ship, being tossed around by the wind like ragdolls. I was doing my best to stop my eyes from being blown out the back of my skull when in the corner of my eye I caught a splash behind a fishing boat nearby.
"Look," I said to McCool, pointing at the water. "Is that a seal?"
As soon as the words escaped my mouth, I saw a dozen or so fins explode from the surface of the ocean.
"Dolphins!!!" cried McCool and almost immediately everyone ran out to where we were, pointing and exclaiming at the sudden pod of dolphins cruising alongside our ship in the sparkling sunset. It was sublime and I was suddenly a two-year old again, jumping up and down in excitement.

They hung around only for a little while before heading off on their way and we made our way back to the hotel, wrung from all the excitement of the day. I was feeling pretty queasy, so we decided to have an early dinner at a delightful little Japanese restaurant located upstairs on Pitt Street, called Fujiya.

yummy beef karubi at Fujiya Restaurant

By nightfall, I was moaning and writhing in bed from pain - my old abdominal gastric issues had attacked after a long absence. I could barely move and every breath of air was agony. Even going to pee was unbearably painful. McCool ran down and got me painkillers from the 24 hour 7-11 downstairs, but nothing worked. Finally the pain wound me down into a light, jerky sleep for the rest of the night. What an awful thing to happen on vacation! I began to wonder if I should go to the hospital...

Backdated Entry : August 4th 2008

2008-08-12T15:41:00.000+11:00

Woot woot! I haven't blogged in forever and very well deserve an Internet Slap On The Wrist for my tardiness. That's right, my only excuse is that I've been lazy. How terrible! I quite enjoyed being lazy for a while though.

Let's see, what's new? The Olympics are well underway - and did anyone watch the equestrian events? I just had to LOL at the cross country being held in a golf course, of all places! xD It's a pretty nice looking course though, with some really challenging jumps. And how dissapointing about Shane Rose's horse spooking during his dressage test! Megan Jones is doing incredibly well though, I'm cheering for her all the way!

I'm a bit torn about which team to support - I'm completely rooting for the Australian team in swimming and equestrian and yet I'm crossing my fingers hoping the Malaysian team will shine all of a sudden. It was sad to see such a small contingent marching in the Opening Ceremony (which was OMFG, amirite? Those tai chi masters... wowza! O__O) but Go Malaysia! Please win a medal in badminton at least! I'm also kind of rooting for China... that opening ceremony was such a good time to be Chinese, yo! I swelled up with absolute pride. McCool on the other hand spent the night whinging about how pointless the Olympics is and eventually went out by himself to buy some food. *shakes head*

Anyway, showjumping tonight - hopefully Megan Jones overtakes Germany's lead! I'm also looking forward to women's gymnastics! Unfortunately Channel 7's Olympic coverage is unbelievably crappy and I have no idea when they will show it. Argh!

In other news, I went to Sydney for a holiday!!! I'll be backdating entries from the trip, so this will be Trip Day 1.

-----

The alarm caused both me and McCool to jump at least three feet out of bed at 6am, at which we absentmindedly stared at our luggage before climbing out of bed to the bathroom. We raced to get to the airport in time for our flight - which was very exciting, it's the first time we're taking a vacation together and this long-planned Sydney trip had burnt a huge hole in our wallets. When we landed in Sydney, it was wonderfully warm - a welcome change from the freezing temperatures of Melbourne. Light jackets and sunglasses came on, scarves and beanies came off!

The first day was spent just wandering around the areas of our hotel - picturesque Darling Harbour, Chinatown, the major retail centers and the like. Sydney hasn't changed much since I've last visited, but we were both in such good spirits and enjoying the beautiful weather, so it felt all the more better.

Darling Harbour

McCool taking photos of the surroundings

Our hotel room in the Great Southern Hotel located in the heart of Chinatown was surprisingly nice - large spacious shower and incredibly sproingy bed. Five minutes was dedicated to jumping up and down on the bed and testing the pillow's durability by the official sport of Pillow Bashing. For dinner we discovered a branch of Ajisen Ramen in Chinatown, and because we were fans of the Melbourne branch we figured Sydney's could only be better. Oh how wrong! It was very dissapointing and the food was barely edible... never again!

Tomorrow we are heading to Taronga Zoo, which I am much looking forward to because I have never been there! This trip will be great! Wandering around the city at night with McCool, there are still various moments when I look up at him beside me and think wistfully, "Jin will be just about this height too..." but I'm sure it will be all great fun and full of laughter! I couldn't hope for a better travel companion than McCool.

Yay for holidays!

2008-07-17T19:37:00.000+11:00

"Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end."

-- I Corinthians 13: 4 - 8

tying the knot

2008-07-14T18:10:00.000+11:00

I just found out today - through the magic of Facebook, no less - that one of the more popular seniors during my years in high school just got married.

At first guess, I assumed he would've married his high school sweetheart - they were after all the power couple of my high school back in the day, the couple everyone talks about and whom everyone envies. He was smart, charismatic and good-looking, whilst she was a model student, captain of Everything and one of the prettiest girls in school. The only difference was that he was chinese, and she was malay. But hey, what does religion matter in love? You would think it doesn't matter, but unfortunately in Malaysia, it sometimes does.

Admittedly, I was one of the girls that envied them. When me and my best friend used to sit and gossip about the popular kids, they were high on our list of Perfect High School Couples. The interracial defying-all-odds, the dazzling combination of good lucks and perfect grades, the way they were so nice, so likeable and popular with everyone.

I'm a little sad to find out that he's not getting married to her. They've been together for as long as I can remember about high school, and after graduating, all I know is that she went on to do charitable humanitarian work and Arts, and he - well, who knows, I'm guessing a succesfull businessman in whatever field he entered. I had doubts that they were still together, but I guess I always kinda hoped they were. Interracial dating - especially between a Chinese and a Malay - always almost never has a Happy Ending, and somehow I hoped a Happy Ending would have manifested for them. There wouldn't have been two more deserving people on the planet.

Alas, things don't always work out like they do in fairytales and picture books, and as far as I know, she didn't even attend his wedding - the bride also a Chinese - a face I don't recognize. Nevertheless, he looks happy and I wish them all the best.
It's funny how you are in high school you think about how this will turn out and usually it never really turns out the way you hoped. They didn't get married. My bestest, closest friend went off the India and married some random dude I've never met - and now I've lost all contact with her. For the longest time I thought I would end up Happy Ever After with my childhood sweetheart of 8 years - Jin - and even now that didn't turn out the way it was planned. It's funny how life plays with you, taking random turns and twists this way and that, never letting your predictions come even remotely close to how you expected.

I am settled now and happy with McCool, but the future is still so uncertain. I get a little nervous everytime I see another friend get married on Facebook. Just a few years ago we were all young, reckless teenagers throwing water balloons at each other in high school, making out in hallways after class, laughing at teachers, copying each other's homework. Just a few years ago! And now everyone's off getting married and having babies. I don't even know if I'll end up married or not - at this point I don't even know if I'll ever get a job! How do they do it?? I still feel so... young! It's a little sad as I watch everyone veer off on their own paths. We all used to be close friends once.

Sometimes change is a bitch. Sometimes I bitch too much about change. But bitching doesn't really save the world, does it? Change does.

I guess sometimes change is for the better, but hey, that doesn't mean I can't bitch about it. Well, I just wish eternal happiness to the Bride and Groom - damn I would've liked some shrimp from that wedding!

blahblah

2008-06-29T01:27:00.000+11:00

There's something about keeping horses in stables that I don't quite approve of.

I mean, it's not that I have anything against it - and once I have my own horse I'd fancy having a loose box or two to keep it in on cold nights or during thunderstorms, but there's something about accomodating horses in stables permanently that I don't quite like.

Horses are wild animals, they belong in the fields. They need space to run, to graze, to interact with fellow herd members - to be horses! Some people - like the equestrian center in KL, Malaysia - use the excuse that they don't have that much open space to keep over 200 horses out in pasture. Well, fair enough but there's nothing wrong with some well scheduled turn-out for each horse every day. And then there's the competitive athletes with their twenty-thousand dollar horses, saying that if they keep their horses out in paddocks they might get injured. Oh, what if another horse kicks him?! Oh, what if he runs into the fence?! Oh, what if he slips and falls?! Oh, what if he gets dirty?! God forbid!!!

There's something not quite right about the sight of a horse confined to a box day in, day out, all its life. It only comes out to be exercised, or if lucky, a light hand grazing for 20 minutes or so. With the halter on, nevertheless! I love the sight of horses happily roaming free over grasslands, grazing in content, frolicking around, lying down, kicking their heels to the wind.
It seems that horses who live outdoors are a whole lot happier than their stablekept counterparts. They don't develop bad habits like windsucking or pacing, which usually manifest in horses who live in stables, due to extreme boredom. They seem good natured, alert, content and willing. It made me extremely sad when I rode in KL to see all the horses confined to stalls, looking bored and 'empty', and occasionally pinning their ears and dangerously snapping out at anyone who happens to walk past the stall. It's just not healthy.

I'm thankful that Blinkbonnie keeps all it's horses out in pasture, 24/7. We do have three wooden indoor stalls which serves as stables when the weather is too rough. It's filled with the warm scent of hay and copra - and there's no doors to the individual stores, which lessens claustrophobia in the horses, and the large entrances are left open so it's light and airy and the horses can see all that's going on. The two stables that have doors are turned into the feed room and blanket storage room. And there's 7 loose sheltered open stalls too, constructed with sturdy wooden poles - cleverly designed to avoid kicking. But the horses are only brought in when necessary and most of their time is spent outdoors, running through the grass.

I love our happy, healthy horses. It's the same at Rednifhtap Park in Queensland - 40 acres of freedom for the horses and they come running from 40 acres away when we stand at the gate, waving their halters and yelling their names. It's incredible! There's no snappiness, no lunging forward to bite with ears pinned, no tantrums. I'm a strong believer of keeping horses at grass and I would never ride again at a barn which didn't.

Once I get my horse - which hopefully won't be too long now - I'll probably keep it at Blinkbonnie until I get my own place. And when I do, it will be at least 2 or 3 acres for the horse and a paddockmate (maybe I can convince McCool to ride too, then he can have a pony? :D) and a couple of light, airy looseboxes - preferably made out of wood. It will be lovely!

Sometimes people forget that horses are horses and they are not some pet to be ridden when felt like it, and left in stables when not. Horses should be allowed to be horses, and rightly so.

I don't know where that long essay came from... there was a post in equestrian about this and I just felt like rambling... especially since I haven't updated in forever! Heh. I've watched McCool play MGS4 so many times now that if I hear Otacon yell "SNAAAKKKEE!!" one more time, I'm gonna have to choke a bitch.

2008-06-10T21:50:00.002+11:00

A neat quote from equestrian :

"Jumping is like ballroom dancing; the rider is the woman, and the horse is the man. The woman picks where they're going, when they're going, when they're leaving, what they're going to wear, whether they're going to eat before or after, what they're going to eat, what music they want to dance to, and what dances they're going to do. But when they get on the floor, the man leads."

:)

As for the random LOL of today :
a bit NSFW (click for full size)

LOL.

On the dark horse

2008-06-09T18:52:00.002+11:00

Yesterday McCool woke up a grumpy me at 7.30 am, after a day of hard work at the barn. I was blurry eyed and sleepy and not very happy at the early start on a Sunday, but it was for good reason : The Melbourne 3-day Event - Final Olympic Selection, and Sunday was cross country day and this male was amazing enough to offer to take me all the way to Werribee for the event!

Armed with his technologically advanced camera, we ate a sleepy McDonald's breakfast as we caught the early morning train in the morning mist, transit to the city and then change trains all the way out to the countryside suburb of Werribee: home to Melbourne's National Equestrian Center, Werribee Park and Mansion.

It was a delightful train journey, travelling out by the ocean, full of quirky little sights and beautiful scenery. We were both cheerful and in good spirits, despite being groggy and sleepy headed.

When we finally got to the Equestrian Center, I was completely astounded by how many people had turned up for the competition! The driveway was packed with cars queueing up to go in and horses were everywhere - being ridden, being exercised, whinnying and neighing and snorting. The air was heavy with adrenaline and hoofbeats. It was spectacular!

Bill Chrisanis was competing in the two star event - he is the husband of Linda Williams, who is my riding instructor at Blinkbonnie, so I was very proud and excited to cheer him on! McCool was generously cheerful and eagerly volunteered to be cameraman of the day, so we set out to explore the course.

Werribee National Equestrian Center was huge!!! It had four outdoor sand arenas, two huge indoor arenas, showjumping areas, and acres after acres of stunningly beautiful cross country landscape, as well as polo fields and grand old stables. It was breathtaking! I wished Blinkbonnie was as grand. There were beautiful horses everywhere! Even the very non-horsey McCool wondered in awe over their sleek, shiny coats.

some of the outdoor sand arenas

a horse being hotwalked after completing it's course

Then we decided to explore the grand Werribee Mansion - McCool smiled at me and said we might as well make the most of this rare trip out to country, so we had a blast wandering around the gardens as he obsessively took photos of almost anything!

me at the entrance to Werribee Park

beautiful backdrops for jumps

each horse had a huge number of grooms to fuss over it

the interior of Werribee Mansion. Dinner, anyone?

It was a long day, but so very brilliant. I had an awesome time watching all the top competitors and their amazing horses, and McCool enjoyed himself too, which is a good omen for future horse competitions to come. We were exhausted by the time we got home, but in good spirits and I fell asleep the moment my head touched the pillow, much to the amusement of McCool who tried to wake me up multiple times.

When I watched the riders begin their course, seeing the horses whirl around in excitement, chomping their bits, stomping their hooves, snorting the air - all the adrenaline washed over me and all I wanted was to be in the saddle at that moment, eager to begin my lap - jumping the great fences and galloping at great speed towards the finish line. What a dream to be able to compete at such a level someday. I only hope that I can attain it in the future. Pleasure riding is one thing, but there is something in the air about a competition that gives me this urge to be a part of it.

Bill Chrisanis jumping on Qualim. He's my instructor's husband.

Cassia Montgomery on Arkie going through the lake

Edith Kane on ESB Irish Justice. What a cute jumper!

Lucinda James on ESB Irish Denial. The crowd was cheering for her and look at that smile!

The magnificent wagon jump

Shane Rose, OMG!! In the flesh! Jumping on Cleddau Bobby Dazzler. I was completely starstruck. I *heart* McCool for this amazing photo!

Megan Jones on Kirby Park Allofasudden. askdhasjdh Megan Jones!!!!

I'm looking to the future with bright hopes. I hope someday I will be able to own my own horses whom I can compete with, cantering through a lake, splashing water that filters the sunlight behind our thunderous hoofbeats as onlookers cheer me on, smiling, and photographers kneel by the fence with shooting cameras. After all, there is no other place for me than on the back of a horse.

I will be uploading more photos on my Facebook page too. :) Link is to the right.

NARNIA >>>>> Sex & Teh Citee

2008-06-06T01:13:00.000+11:00

So my [incredible] McCool decided to be [wonderful] and took me to watch The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian today - and I didn't even have to whine about it for him to take me.

Anyways, just, OMGGGGGG. *head explodes*

William Moseley / Ben Barnes = I'd tap that. MULTIPLE TIMES.

Oh man, I cannot stop raving about the darn film. Much win, would watch again. Also we sat beside a crazy dude who wouldn't stop giving a running commentary throughout the entire movie. Omg NARNIAAAAA.

I always cry during the endings, stupid endings, stupid Regina Spektor song making me bawl my eyes out in the movie theater, aaaaaaaaahhhh Narniaaaaaaaaa.

OMFG. that is all.

for it was a flower, sir

2008-06-05T11:56:00.000+11:00

Just a drabble:

and it was always the one name on their breaths, on the mind: over and over, always and always. Gold and silver merged, two names became one. It never fades, it is intangible; no matter how hard fingers are stretched: it is never seen, never felt.

gold and silver; oh, they happen only once an eternal lifetime, and what price for the two.
i will never forget.

:)

2008-06-02T02:53:00.001+11:00

I am content.

For a while now, I am content. Sitting in McCool's lap at 1 am, watching Studio Ghibli movies and sipping cola; feeling the occasional brush of lips on my neck: I am content.
I am at peace.

art by Keramago

no such thing as ordinary

2008-05-27T02:16:00.000+11:00

"The Phoenix bird, dost thou not know him? The Bird of Paradise, the holy swan of song!...In Paradise, when thou wert born in the first rose, beneath the Tree of Knowledge, thou receivedst a kiss, and thy right name was given thee-thy name, Poetry."
-Hans Christian Anderson, The Phoenix Bird

One of my close friends was feeling really down in the dumps today, and called for an emergency dinner gathering, so I went out to have dinner with them. I was feeling pretty bitter and unhappy myself, so we spent the night singing at the top of our lungs in off-key voices and laughing (as forcedly as we could) till our asses fell off.
The truth is, we were miserable, we were all miserable - but we're friends and this is what friends do - we are there for each other, and I am grateful that I had my friends with me when I am miserable and I am glad that we made Big M feel a little bit better when he was feeling at his utmost worst.

When I was on the train platform on the way home, I bumped into an old senior from high school, one that I had a major crush on way back when. It was a little arkward, and a little strange, and amidst a few polite exchanges and How Do You Dos, we started laughing a little and joking like it hadn't been over 5 years since we last met. Through all the sticky subjects, not a word was mentioned about my crush on him in the past, which was all for the better. Although I am happy - happy to see that meeting him again certainly doesn't stir up any old emotions or feelings. There is a little bit of nostalgia, but that's it. It was good to finally meet up with my past and stare it in the face with no harboured emotions whatsoever. I should've done it a long time ago, instead of continuously avoiding it. It's good to move on.
As we exchanged goodbyes when he got off the train, it's good to move on.

I would like to know how I have grown as a person. Even though I am only 21, I feel like my youth has entirely flown me by. Have I grown much from the confident, sassy 15 year old that once was? Once upon a time my blog was about facing adversities and tackling life's obstacles head on. Nowadays it's mostly bitching about life.
Have I really grown as a person? Have I lived the way I want to? Yes, yes I have. I have lived and laughed and loved all my way through life and I am determined to keep doing it. True, I am not exactly where I want to be in life right now, but every day is a step closer to reaching dreams.
Along the way I have fallen many times and I have hurt many times, but I don't think that's a bad thing. We learn and grow from the past, even if the past hurts. I don't think shutting off is ever an answer, I have always loved fully and wholly and I don't think Love could be wrong in any way.

Love life. Live well. I was talking to my friends today and then I said, I am a horse. Horses are herd creatures and get anxious if alone with no herd members in sight. I am similar, in a way. I dislike being alone, and I need a herd or a companion. That's right, I need. It could be a weakness or it could not, but I don't think needing companionship is a bad thing. I fully believe in spreading joy and most people in today's generation would probably scoff me off for being naive and too idealistic, but I don't think it's wrong.

I think sometimes people lose sight of things. The other night there was this footage of an old woman desperate for food in Burma, and I started crying, yet hiding my tears from my friends. I just wanted to hug her. I don't understand why people feel the need to act tough or look strong or put on any facade for the sake of popularity or self image or generalizing themselves into stereotypes. What is wrong with being open and honest and sincere in every aspect of your life, what is wrong with opening your eyes to see the world as it is and to learn to appreciate the beauty of both the beautiful and the ugly? People don't appreciate enough.

I want to love and be loved, fully and wholly and completely and unconditionally. I think every human being deserves that kind of love. I am loved, we are all loved. We just need to appreciate it more. Thank you all for loving me, and rest assured I love you too.

I believe everyone needs someone. Everyone needs someone.

"i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart."

Disney and their false representations of love

2008-05-25T23:47:00.000+11:00

I just spent a significant amount of time rewatching old Disney moments on YouTube. It's so nostalgic! I grew up to these cartoons : Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Alladin, Jungle book... etc etc, the list goes on. Everyone loves old school Disney!

And you know, even though the movie titles are 'Aladdin', or 'Tarzan' or anything like that, and the hero is always the main character, in fact the story always somehow revolves around the female protagonist. For example, Alladin giving up his entire lifestyle for Princess Jasmine (he even made a pact with a genie... I mean, I would marry him just for that!) ... the Beast returning to his princely self because of Belle... Prince Charming battling a dragon for Sleeping Beauty whom he only met once... and then Cinderella's prince searching the entire kingdom with a frickin' shoe... Mowgli leaving his entire life in the jungle for that chick in the village... Prince Eric fighting a frickin' sea octopus witch for Ariel who can't even speak!

I guess most little girls want their own prince somehow, one who would do anything for them like the Disney princes. Misrepresentation! There's no such thing in real life! And because I am a hopeless romantic who lives off golden flowerfields and pink ribbons and dashing lads swooping ladies off on magic carpets, I am bitter and in deep denial.
For the longest time I believed Disney - that most men would do anything in their power to better their lady, and vice versa. Frickin' Disney. I'm 21 now and where the heck is my Beast. Instead, I'm faced with the reality of the world - men - typical men who watch the Simpsons and believe that Homer is the epitome of the Perfect Man, men who idolize Johnny from South Park, men who run far away at the mere mention of flowers, or long walks on the beach, or a picnic in the park. Men who's idea of love is sitting in a pub watching football, or other normal, mundane things. Men who think other men who pull chairs out for ladies are wussies.

Goodness, what happened to good old fashioned chivalry? What happened to romance? What happened to "I can show you the world, take you wonder by wonder"? What happened to intimacy? What happened to the magic? You know, everything is so mundane. As each day passes I get duller and duller. I feel myself melting into a big puddle of Dull. If there was such thing as Dull stew, I would have invented it.

So I guess I have Disney to thank for getting my hopes up since childhood. Also, I am still a firm hopeless romantic who gets all teary when a sweet scene in a movie plays, who wants to stroll through parks and hand out flowers, who wants someone to sing to me, who loves cheese and doesn't understand how anyone can think cheese is bad. I still burst into song on my balcony, grasping for adventure. I guess I am pretty old fashioned.
So in this world full of "real men", I guess I will have to thank Disney very very bitterly when I am old, wrinkly and 81, living alone in my cottage in provincial France with 100 ponies.

So now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to arguing with MJY about who is the hottest Disney character ever.

random blah?

2008-05-14T18:35:00.000+11:00

Seriously, I don't even know why I'm a staff member at the pink anymore. Everything can be so biased and sometimes I just wish people like Clorith and Shrouded and STA and Lynn (omg Lynn) would come back. :/

Anyways, forum drama aside - NOTHING IS HAPPENING. Hello bored world, how are you, I am bored thank you. I've been working on drawing some fanart to go with Sam's awesome fanfic, and knitting myself a pretty white scarf, but other than that, life is pretty uneventful. I just spend each day staring at a white ceiling while eating Kit Kats. not that I'm complaining about the kit kats

So, how you doin'?

mmm, the new Maroon5 song is teh smexx. //random

hi, my name is Yin and I'm broke

2008-05-09T16:56:00.001+11:00

I have this sudden, inexplicable urge for exorbidant amounts of ice-cream.... I feel like I could wipe an entire tub clean in one sitting. It must be because the founder of Baskin Robbins has just passed away and everyone is talking about their favourite flavours. R.I.P, Mr. Ice Cream. ;-(

i love Very Berry Strawberry mixed with Vanilla, cookies and cream and Yam omg. what about you?

Also, I've got the flu upon my return to my apartment - I think it's the chill in here that wipes through the place every few seconds. *shudders* As soon as I get out of my apartment, I'm perfectly fine. It really sucks, because I am layered up in four layers of thick, wooly clothing and a scarf the size of a polar bear and yet I am sneezing and sniffling and using up the entire supermarket's supply of tissue.
My only wish right now is that some hero would swoop in with copious amounts of HOT CHICKEN MUSHROOM SOUP and heaps of luscious Hot Chocolate, a huge family sized block of chocolate (Kit Kat will do nicely.) and of course, a tub of ice cream. Maybe throw in some flowers, a teddy bear, a puppy, perhaps a mini Shetland pony and I will be quite appeased. =)

ALSO some food would be nice because my apartment is stripped bare - I have nothing not even instant noodles and I am too broke to buy any food - jhdajhdasdha I have been starving since finishing the last packet of instant Cup-Of-Soup yesterday but ksdajhdsajhda stay positive and what gets me through is ~*THINSPIRATION*~ y'all! =D

So now my CD drive on my laptop decides to break down on me, which means I can't reformat and save the life of my dying computer, which means my computer is utterly and hopelessly broken, which means I will soon have no computer because I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW ONE GODDAMMIT I wish everyone would stop telling me that I need to get a new one - I know I need a new one but do I look like I can afford one???!!! At the moment I'm Miss Live-In-Pyjamas because its-too-expensive-to-go-out and save-every-cent-for-horses even if-it-means-death-and-starvation.

So, well, crap. No computer. HOW WILL I SURVIVE.

I am thinking of opening more commissions again, although after my years long absence from the art world, I doubt anyone would want to commission me anymore, but I guess it's a desperate long-shot? Oh dear. We shall see.

Tori Karaage Ramen

2008-05-07T21:23:00.000+11:00

McCool bought me a little robot chicky to keep me company! It is so cute and chirpes ever so cutely when I speak to it! McCool has christened him 'Tori' but because it sounds too much like food, I call him 'Chipu'. I just hope that the dog doesn't eat it by mistake.

Anyways, meme time because there's not much else to say! Ganked from wish_spirit on LJ :

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Yin
2. Mei Yin
3. Princess? That would be nice.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. yin-chan
2. dominique871
3. magicha104 (...don't ask.)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My eyes
2. My wrists (I heart tiny wrists.)
3. My collar bone

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My fingers (they're too pudgy! D:)
2. My boobs (get bigger plz.)
3. My legs (they need to be longer! GROW, dammit!)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Chinese
2. Chinese
3. Swedish (srzly.)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Insects (including spiders, roaches and anything bearing resemblance)
2. Being alone
3. Sharp objects

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Rings =3
2. comfy undies
3. hugs ♥

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Jeans
2. old fuzzy cardigan
3. ring from mccool =3

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. James Morrisson
2. Michelle Branch
3. Britney Spears (lulz, but srzly.)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love and the ability to LOL together (lolz are important! its true.)
2. Respect and devotion towards one another
3. Good sex (yes yes, it DOES matter! very much.)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I'm gay.
2. I love to eat fish.
3. I've kicked horse poop at someone before.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Hair omg.
2. Smile.
3. Physical fitness. (i dun like boys that sit on their arses eating Maccas all day long, sorryz.)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Horse riding and everything horse-related.
2. Cuddling with McCool, especially when it rains.
3. Taking a walk through a park or nature reserve.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go horse riding
2. Paint something.
3. McCool.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Artist / illustrator
2. Horse riding instructor. =(
3. Teacher

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Japan
2. The beach!! ♥ (...need...must...go..)
3. Tibet / Mongolia

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Aerith ♥ (LOL but I am a geek, live with it.)
2. Juliette
3. Julian

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Travel the world!! See everything!! Meet everyone!!
2. Own a horse and dog.
3. Get married.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I don't fart in public. (Or in front of anyone, period.)
2. I spend way too much on clothes I don't need! (Note : broke and unemployed)
3. Cute boys, pretty sparkly stuff and ponies attract my attention. (Note : sometimes I Squee.)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. Sometimes I can't be bothered to shave my pitts if I'm not going out.
2. I own less clothes than my boyfriend / brother / cousin / friend / relative.
3. I wear the same pair of shoes for years until they break beyond all hope.

you say that things change, my dear

2008-04-29T01:31:00.000+11:00

What defines people as lovers? What makes it different from two people being merely very close friends?
Is it the hugs? The kisses? The sexual or physical attraction? The chemistry? The hand-holding, name-calling, affectionate-tummy-rubs? The support system?
Is it the way your tummy flutters or the way you smile automatically? Is it the way even the rain feels like sunshine? Is it the urge to hold each other close when overcome with tears? Is it the urge to ravage each other between the sheets? Is it the attraction? Is it thinking, "Wow, he/she is beautiful!" even in the early morning with bed hair and bad breath? Is it the commitment? Is it the dedication and effort towards each other that transcends friendship and boundaries?
It's the attraction, and all that and everything else. It's the feelings for one person that is different to feelings for another. It's what defines the difference between platonic friendly cuddles and simple bonding eye contact.

It's a line that sometimes is so hard to differ. Of course one should know if a relationship is defined as lovers - or merely close friends. How does one know where the end of the line is? I am very clear on my part... but how does one know about the other?

I watched a David Attenborough documentary on lizards today, tucked alone in my dark apartment, and apparently some lizards stay faithfully together as a couple even after death. It made me want to be a lizard. I went to lie in my empty bed and I wished I were a lizard. Every night when my brother comes home, he dotes on my every need and continuously tells me not to be sad, even when I am laughing at a comedy on TV. I think he thinks something bad happened to me. Nothing bad has happened. In fact, nothing has happened.

Every day comes and every day goes. Days go by, then weeks, then months. I am still here, nothing has changed except that I wish I was a lizard.

I am in love and I wish I had a lizard.

fanart not by me

2008-04-28T18:35:00.000+11:00

I'm such a shit girlfriend. I'm sorry.

random crap

2008-04-27T21:14:00.000+11:00

I didn't have much to do today - it's such a nice lazy day, and besides endless gossiping on MSN with Sammy, I ended up on YouTube looking for Malaysian crack! advertisements again. Because they are the maddest shit and we all love them.

So here's some LULZ to spice up a dull night!

LOL BAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

WAT. HAHAHA. Crazy old man FTW!

will you count me in?

2008-04-26T01:30:00.000+11:00

I am bored - but hey, what else is new? It's almost as if the Internet knows when I leave McCool's place to go back to my flat and turns completely unexciting - no updates on LiveJournal, no new posts on the pink forums, no friends online on MSN to bother either.

Also, it's started to rain - not very fun to think of the muddy, wet, sloshy horse paddocks at work tomorrow.

I swear Facebook has some higher power controlling it, because the horoscope section is eerily accurate. Yesterday it said I would have a heated argument with a loved one, and indeed McCool and I did have a bust-up in the city yesterday!! Also previously it has predicted other key events in my life, such as activities with my friends, health status (scarily it predicted my tummy cramps) and too many more to list - but it has been so reliable that nowadays I take to checking it religiously in the morning when I wake up, just to see what the day has in store.

Anyways, things are going quite well lately - my old boss from Coffee Bean called to try and set me up with the company's Graphic Designer to see if I could do some work for the company or undertake an apprenticeship - and although the idea of creating boring posters for a coffee company is not at all thrilling to me - it's a step through the door and certainly the income would be most welcome! I am saving up for a trip to Japan - and if I'm lucky enough, a trip to Sydney with McCool (if only I can persuade him with my charm and sparkly cute eyes) so yes, money would be quite welcome about now. Fingers crossed that it will all go well and I will get the position, I guess I'll know by tomorrow!

On the relationship front, things are going giddily perfect and I try not to jinx it, but it's so good nowadays and instead of thinking about all the things he doesn't do, I find myself focusing so much more on all the things he does do and I feel so much more happier, and it's sooo goood, and I think we have finally swum our way through the rough patches. =) Issues have been sorted out and I'm getting the love and atten-shuns and affec-shuns that I need and AH IT IS SO GOOD. Everytime we see each other now it's a jolly good time of laughs and jokes and cuddles and feel-good feelings so it is all going well so don't jinx it!!! Yes yes, he is the pinnacle of male awesomeness. =D

What else has been going on? That's about it really. Besides my empty bank account and my state of unemployment, things are going enchantingly well. So I have nothing else to report. =]

2008-04-23T19:34:00.000+11:00

it starts from my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
♥

It's been such an unpredictable day today - one minute I'm completely normal and laughing at random internet videos and the next minute I'll be crying over nothing. It's been like that at varying times throughout the day today, ugh, I don't think this is good for my mental health. These crazy emotional swings have stopped lately and everything has been so perfect for the past few months or so, and now suddenly it feels like I'm on the roller coaster again - and the tiniest things set me off, even watching Friends makes me cry for no reason and then I laugh and then I cry again and then I get angry for no explicable reason akdjhagdhaksdhjjaksdhjashda akjhasd, in CG's words : I FEEL LIKE THE SPAWN OF SATAN.

I feel like there's a lot of things to say and do but no time for any of it. It's because we're always waiting, watching, wondering and hoping and worrying about repercussions, whatifs, setbacks, outcomes, risks and the like. There's so many varying differences and circumstances that leads to hesitation which in turn leads to people never ever really saying or doing what's on their mind.

This whole mood-swinging thing has got to stop, although my only known cure so far seems quite unattainable. To look on the bright side, I guess I've got it under control by not letting it affect my interactions with people around me. Also, I guess it's a blessing that I get to feel so many powerful emotions? I'm aliveee~!!! ♥

you make me smile
baby just take your time
holding me tight
♥

2008-04-22T20:53:00.001+11:00

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-E.E Cummings

21 on the 21st

2008-04-21T21:20:00.003+11:00

I am 21 now - no longer a child though I feel no more of an adult.

Nevertheless, it's been a wonderful two days, with my friends surprising the "living poo poo" out of me with a surprise BBQ party last night, complete with a vast plethora of gifts I've been lusting after. I don't think I need to say it again, but I love all my friends. Also now I have a Rinoa to go with my Squall figurine and they look very cosy together on my computer desk, not to mention a huge My Little Pony staring at me from the foot of my bed. MJY revealed to me all the planning and thought that went into the surprise for me, McCool even went as far as blindfolding me whilst everyone else hastily decorated the venue. I suspected something was up, but my suspicions died when MJY said he forgot his gym gloves and had to go get them, and the next thing I know there was a great volley of people - almost everyone from Uni - throwing heaploads of confetti at me and yelling Happy Birthday! Omg, you gaiz. Such great actors, graah! ILU all. I was also really glad to be with McCool when the clock struck midnight and he leaned down and kissed me. =)

The highlight of the lot, however was today, when McCool showed up at my doorstep. After waiting for many futile hours, I had resigned myself to the fact that he wasn't going to show up, so when he actually did, I started to cry. I sat down on my chair whilst he handed me several small gifts from his mother and his sister, and a little perfume bottle from himself.
Then he knelt down in front of me and pulled out a little blue box from his pocket. I just stared at him as he slowly opened it to reveal three beautiful rings, adorned with Swarovski crystals and patterns of the stars and moons on it.

"Because you always stare at the stars and the night sky, you know - Scorpio and all that," said he with that boyish grin.

And then because I'm such a girl - I started crying again. Out of happiness and shock, of course - and all I could do was hug him while I cried like such a girl. We sat/stood there hugging for such a long time while he laughed and told me he loves me and ugh - of course that makes me cry even more! He got all flustered and told me not to be sad but I couldn't say anything in reply because I was so happy gah ajhdajdsakh it was wonderful. After he left, the first thing I did was to take a photo and show off the bling bling to my best friend, MJY! He was all "OMG did you cry!" and I was all "OMG yes of course I did!" and he was all "OMG I knew it! I would cry too!"

What a wonderful day. Frickin' A - I wanna relive that moment again when he slipped the ring on my finger. It could be a $5 ring from the dollar store and I would still cry. Best birthday ever indeed! 1000 out of ten!

Boys sdhaksldajsdhkasd they can be so unbelievably sweet. Sometimes you just wanna huggle 'em to death! <3 *^______^*

Forum n00bs drive me nuts

2008-04-20T13:19:00.000+11:00

With all my free time lately, I've been getting back into the fandom side of things - mainly the pinks forums and ACF. I don't post as regularly because the pink forums have turned into something rather elitist that I'd rather not partake in - must be all the backstabbing and gossiping about other members behind their backs - but anyways some of my old friends are still posting there so I go back as well. (plus, can't abandon modly duties! Internetz = seriaz business.)

Anyways, there's been a continuing influx of newbies ever since Advent Children was released and most lately there's this new member who just DRIVES ME TOTALLY FRICKIN' INSANE. Holy carp woman, can you type properly?! Can you not type obscenities IN CAPS LOCK about how eval! Tifa is and how stupid Cloud/Tifa shippers are?! I don't care about it, other members don't want to read about it, and every single post does not have to be about you yelling what a skank Tifa is and how Clotis should jump off the face of the earth.

And then there's her blatantly ignoring my civil PMs to stay on-topic and post properly - ajgdsajhgda unfortunately there's only so much I can do as a mod - and I can't really warn her or kick her off the forums for posting how she feels, even though IT DRIVES US NUTS all the time. Plus she stole art and tried to pass it off as her own in the Fanart forum and even though we clocked in on it and shut down the thread, it still makes me wonder in astonishment the lengths people will go in order to gain respect ON THE INTERNETZ.

Ho mai. All this over a fictional pairing!

End of rant. *gets off my soap box*

words of wisdom

2008-04-18T23:13:00.000+11:00

"You should never be ashamed or embarassed to say you love somebody. Why hide it?

Nowadays, people say "I love you," like it's a normal thing. It's very easy to fall in love, but very hard to keep it. That's why you have to work at it. Love is like a horse, it needs to be worked on. Otherwise it will drift apart. People change - they grow, they develop different hobbies, they have different viewpoints, etc etc. Humans get bored. That's why you need to work to keep the love. You need to make an effort. Like Sui Lan, I make it a point to go to all her horse shows and snap photos of her. She's so happy there, and it makes me happy. I have so many photos of her that she doesn't know I've got. I hope that one day, after I die, people will look at these photos and say, "Oh, he really loved her!"

-My Uncle Joe

Cedar, like the wood

2008-04-12T22:15:00.000+11:00

"Isn't it sad what happened to Cedar?"

One of the regular riders casually said to me this morning, as I was putting Scottie's saddle on. I whipped around and stared at her in surprise.

"What's happened to Cedar?"

She stared back at me and suddenly turned arkward. "Oh.. uh.. maybe you should ask Christine about it."

I stood frozen for a few moments, my eyes hastily searching the paddocks for a sign of fat, grumpy old Cedar. Nearby, Melinda was gathering some hay, so I hastily did up Scottie's girth and called out to her, "Hey, do you know what's up with Cedar??" She looked up at me in surprise and replied, "Cedar died. Colic."

Cedar, the famous, fat, buck-skinned, grumpy old horse who would fart obnoxiously in everyone's faces. He was the second horse I learnt to ride on, after Nugget. Together, we sailed through the Beginner's classes as he patiently guided me through Pony games, poles, witch's hats and little brown jumps. His trot and canter were so smooth, they were akin to sitting on the back of an angel, and I sadly graduated from Cedar the schoolmaster to a more challenging horse.
Cedar was the grumpiest old grand-horse alive, but he was so remarkably reliable and patient and safe, I once declared to Christine that I would trust him enough to put my frail, 81-year old grandmother on him! Everyone knew Cedar, even the store clerks down at Horseland in Dandenong knew him. He was one-of-a kind.

The best memory of Cedar was when I brought McCool to the barn for the first time, and I was brushing Cedar down. That horse is notorious for passing gas, and as McCool stood watching apprehensively from behind the wooden stalls, Cedar very politely and very slowly lifted his tail, opened up his arsehole as wide as he could and loudly emmited copious amounts of gas in McCool's direction with much delight. I still owe that horse a favor for farting at my boyfriend.

Ah, Cedar, how I loved you, you grumpy old snout with your pinned back ears and your impatient leg-stomping and tail-swishing and yet you so patiently and kindly let us ride you around bareback, let little screaming kids run around and under your feet, teach millions of beginners how to ride, teach millions of people how to brush, tack and groom a horse, always standing perfectly still and perfectly patient while millions of beginners fumbled with your halter buckles, put your bridle on all wrong, held your foot up arkwardly as they learn to use a hoofpick, use a wrong brush on your soft coat ... and at the end of the day you still come up to us with your soft muzzle for a kiss or cuddle, never once complaining or turning sour, never a kick or even a little nip to people whom would have frustrated the heck out of me, if I were you.

I think humans have a lot to learn from horses. When obstacles come up, like big, scary jumps - well, all you do is face your fear straight on and leap over them. If it scares you enough to spook or refuse, with a little encouragement, you can - and will - jump that fence. If your rider is idiot enough to do the wrong thing, you stop at the fence and refuse to jump until your rider asks correctly and nicely. Sometimes you jump it anyway, if just to save your rider's neck, because that's what partners do. I think that's a magnificent life principle - if an obstacle crops up, just canter confidently towards it and jump it. All it takes is a little encouragement.
Horses are so magnificently simple. If you ask the wrong way, they just don't do it until you ask correctly. It's something so basic, that humans should know by common sense, but for some strange dumbfound reason - don't.
Share your hay, lift your feet well, carry your head high, light up your eyes and nicker when you see your partner approaching. If your paddock-mate does something to annoy you, pin back your ears and tell them. Groom each other, starting from the lips down to the neck and down to the withers. Never say No to apples, and if you don't like someone - fart at them.

I've only just had time to sit down and mourn Cedar, the most patient and kindest horse I know. The fact that gladdens me is that he now has his much much much well-deserved rest up there in God's eternal pastures and I'll get to see him again when it's my turn to go there. =) Then I'll brush his mane again and he'll mischeviously stomp his foot at me, then turn to nuzzle me like normal.

If all Humans could have some Horse Sense in them - this world would be a much better place.

R.I.P Cedar (2/4/2008) - You will never be forgotten

FUCK YOU, SHE'S AWESOME

2008-04-10T15:25:00.000+11:00

Another meme ganked from Livejournal, completely fandom related.

Originated by dsudis.

So I was adding some new interests to my LJ profile (because I, uh... have some new interests. Yes.) and found myself feeling defensive every time I typed a female name, thinking, basically, FUCK YOU, SHE'S AWESOME, because I felt as if someone somewhere was going to be criticizing my love for them.

So, anyway, then I made a list of women who make me want to say FUCK YOU, SHE'S AWESOME. They are far from the only women who are awesome, or the only women people need to be told to step off of, but they are the top ten I feel that way about, right now, off the top of my head.

you want to argue with me about the awesomeness of any of these women, I am afraid I will simply be referring you to the subject line. THAT IS ALL.

1.) Rinoa Heartilly (FFVIII)
2.) Aerith Gainsborough (FFVII)
3.) Orihime Inoue (Bleach)
4.) Britney Spears (lulz, sorry, just had to chuck Brit-brit in there somewhere!) Also, Oprah.
5.) Nami (One Piece)
6.) Chidori Kaname (Full Metal Panic)
7.) Tifa Lockhart (FFVII: Advent Children version)
8.) Ashe (FFXII)
9.) Ariel (Disney's The Little Mermaid lolz)
10.) Sailor Mercury (Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon)

Pain, pain, go away

2008-04-07T17:44:00.000+11:00

Oooo-kay, haven't updated in a long time. Personal issues and all that jazz, also I AM STILL UNEMPLOYED and have been receiving countless rejection letters in the mail oh boo-hoo.

But anyways.

All is well on the Yin front - 'well' meaning nothing is going too wrong at the moment. First off, I am dying from pain and had to give up a day of glorious shopping at the mall because of TEH PAIN and I am just drying and groaning and weeping in bed, mourning my long-awaited day of shopping (because retail therapy is as crucial as chocolate, and everyone knows how crucial that is). McCool was kind enough to give me a very sympathetic grin just before he closes the door to go shopping without me... The blasphemy! I can only poke needles in his voodoo doll with vicious ferocity while he wanders through the shopping aisles, wondering why his right arm feels broken. He better buy me something nice (expensive is a good bonus too) or else he will feel pain!

Edit : Oh, he just got back -- with empty hands!!! Raaahhh!! Apparently the florist was closed or something. Well I'm sure the diamond store would've been open!! Hey, gimme a break, this time of the month is the only time I can be fairly unreasonable. *wink wink* The only thing that pacifies me at this moment is his promises of flowers tomorrow.... or else!

Anyways, nothing new on the job front, as already mentioned.

Fandom news, however - I have completed Ouendan 2 four times! On all difficulty levels, and Rank A for each level too! Bwahahahahaha!! I've also started playing Crisis Core and whilst I'm no big fan of Zack, young!Aerith is simply adorable. A few things she says seems a bit OOC, but oh well. Cloud is cute too. I'm getting addicted to this game, I only wish there were more CG cutscenes of Aerith. And if I hear "Conflict resolved!" one more time, I will have to choke a bitch.

2008-03-24T23:29:00.000+11:00

Far out, it's things like this that make me so mad!

Let's just say it's not my position to disclose what happened, but a friend of mine got into a horrible predicament and - oh god - UGHH UGH UGH this world is so messed up it's not funny. Where's the justice system?! Justice my arse, there's no justice in this whole affair at all!

Discrimination against gays and lesbians and discrimination against age needs to STOP.

How can any human do this to another human and feel no remorse or guilt at all!? It's inhumane! Oh lord, I hope she'll be okay. IT'S SO UNJUST and I am so powerless to do anything to change but but - this world needs to change, this world needs to change right now and I want to do anything in my power to change the world.

UGH I can't stand the unjust that's going on!! It needs to STOP!!!

getaway

2008-03-19T01:08:00.000+11:00

Ah, you know what I want? What I need?

Right now, what I need is a holiday. A real holiday. Technically, I am on holiday because I'm unemployed and not studying, but I don't mean that kind of holiday. I mean a getaway. Oh god, I need a getaway.

A real holiday. Not just to any place, but to somewhere nice. A beach!!! A nice, long stretch of neverending white sand. A comfy hotel with cozy white and brown sheets, minibar and verandah overlooking the ocean. And room service!! Shit, it's been way too long since I've gone on a real vacation and stayed in a real hotel and walked on a real beach at night looking for crabs. I want to feel the sea breeze in my hair again and sand between my toes! I want to get away from modern, contemporary city life! I want to go on holiday and forget about all the cares in the world! I want to feel young again!! Lately I've been feeling like I'm about 81 years old and a gazillion white hairs will pop put of my head. My youth!! I want it back!!!! Aaaahh!!

I want to just scream and jump into a pool without caring! I want to kick my shoes off and go running along the shoreline! I want to stay up till 3 am playing cards and pillowfights and laughing my socks off!! I want to fall asleep tired but happy!! I want to eat with my hands and not care!! I want to play Truth or Dare!! I want to listen to scary stories at night and freak myself out!! I want to see how long I can stand still in the water before the waves wash all the sand away!! I want to build sandcastles! I want to collect sea shells! I want to erase the existence of city life drama from my brain! I want to return to simplicity, to normalcy. I want to return to naiveity, innocence, ecstatic, euphoric amounts of happiness, gut-busting laughter, healthy, happy, not-a-care-in-the world existence! I want someone with me doing all these things!

Even if just for a short escape, I need an escape. Oh the beach. Oh for a holiday by the beach! *wishful thinking* Sigh..

Gold and Silver

2008-03-17T17:33:00.000+11:00

I'm still waiting for the skies to clear.

Sometimes it looks promising, sometimes it doesn't - but it still takes far too long.
Don't wait for me, because I don't know for sure if they will ever clear, and through all the rain and drought and everything in between, my sky will probably never look the same again. It's a very different sky to what you knew - and what I knew.

I hope your skies are clear. I wanted to meet you... even if just once.

Beyond everything and things far away, I hope your skies are clear.

baby I can make you feel nice

2008-03-17T14:46:00.000+11:00

AAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhh~!!!

It's becoming a trend how I'm starting each new blog entry with some sort of scream, haha.

I'M BOREDDDD. I spent all last night emailing out applications to different companies and so far I've gotten two replies - I got rejected from one (which doesn't really matter because I wasn't so interested in it anyway) and another one says they will get back to me so that's good. Now I just need to burn multiple CDs and snail mail them all over the place.

Otherwise, I am bored. It's another 40 degree day and I'm lounging around my computer watching YouTube videos and blaring Britney Spears out my speakers.

Last night I dreamt I went to this really posh, large, rich barn to ride and they had dozens of different arenas of different footing and sizes, their own streets with stalls, hundreds of staff and was just so posh and incredible. But there was no traffic control and cars don't turn on their headlights at night which makes one doubt the safety of the horses. The place which caught my attention the most was the stables, beautiful and wooden and rustic, warm with good lighting and plenty of hay and the unmistakable smell of contented horses. There I got my ride for the night - a tall handsome bay gelding called Fleetwood Mac (where have I heard that name before?), who was handed to me by an equally handsome, strapping Irish stablehand with hair the colour of straw and deep blue eyes. Our eyes met and we talked and he was arkwardly charming whilst I resisted the urge to chant, "Tiddllee tiddly potatoh!" and then I cantered Fleetwood Mac out to the dressage arena over the cross-country course, which was large and a beautiful violet under the stars and we did canter pirrouetes and perfect piaffes in the large sand arena with floodlights. He was an amazing ride and would jump anything. His canter was akin to that of a Grand Prix dressage horse, smooth and balanced and he was attentive and soft.

I proudly told anyone I could that I was from Blinkbonnie, and no matter how posh and awesome their barn is, nothing beats the warmth hospitality of Blinkbonnie. When I returned Fleetwood Mac to the stables, I helped the sexy Irish stablehand untack and groom, and he was apparently captivated by my radiant beauty and kissed me tenderly in the stable, underneath the lights, beside a steaming horse and flying bits of hay. It was very romantic.

When I awoke I was slightly disoriented, wondering why I was in my dark little room instead of a sweet-smelling hay loft with a cozy little bunk and a stablehand who's scent was akin to that wonderful comforting smell of horse with hair the colour of straw and deep, blue eyes gently ravishing me, a lantern burning on the floor. It felt so real and I lay there for a moment or two as reality sank in, then I realized I read too much Flambards and Dick the stablehand doesn't exist outside of the fictional world.

Then I felt a little guilty towards McCool for having such a magnificent dream and focused my brain towards the scent of sandalwood instead, which made me feel a little appeased.

Mmm. Back to being bored out of my mind! Will edit with Sketch of the Day later if I get round to it.

PANASSSSS BOSANNNNN MALASSSSS

2008-03-16T17:17:00.000+11:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what am I doing??!?!?!??!

I should be writing my cover letter for job applications, I should be burning copy after copy of my portfolio to distribute to various companies, I should be thinking of getting my website up and running again -- I should be out at a funky cafe listening to a live jazz band and drinking lemon lime no fizz, on the rocks!!!

AAAHHH why am I lying at home on my computer, staying away from the sun and wiltering into a mess of procastination and umotivation!?! LOL.

MJY keeps making excuses for me not getting off my arse and doing some work, and I gladly accept his excuses, also adding the fact that my computer is slower than the slowest snail in the Guinness Book of Records, which makes the task of opening MS Word and actually typing a cover letter a very daunting one, which will take no less than a bucketload of agony and a bald head as a result.

Aaaahhh I'm sooo bored. It's soooo hot outside. I'm just being whiny at the moment, so bear with me. My uncle is picking me up for dinner in about two hours and I've spent my day whining to people online about how hot it is and how bored I am and it makes me feel a little bit better because my friends are just as bored and Big M is stuck watching downloaded movies and MJY's Adobe broke down and so he's about as badly off as me and - what can I say - Misery Loves Company. Also, we are all young and beautiful and we should be spending our weekends being bored at some trendy establishment, perving on pretty boys and girls, or barbeque-ing on the beach in sunnies and shorts. Except that it is almost 40 degrees outside and nothing short of a life-threathening earthquake would persuade me to leave the comfort of my dingy apartment right now, with the blinds drawn firmly down and my short shorts. *turns on some Micheal Buble*

I wonder what McCool is doing? At least his computer is fast, the lucky man, why do I have the feeling I'll end up typing my cover letter and burning my portfolios on his computer?? Aaahhh procastination, how you get the better of me, and how I let you.

I haven't even done any Sketch of the Day. Aaaahh blame the heat, blame the weather, always blame the weather!

Lemon lime no fizz lemon lime no fizz lemon lime no fizz on the roooccckkkssssss~~

horse smorshe

2008-03-15T21:36:00.002+11:00

I was so exhausted by the end of the day my legs could barely hold myself up any longer. There was still one more lesson to go and one more paddock full of hungry ponies to hay. I hadn't eaten anything all day and had resorted to greedily gulping down water from the horses's water hose.

I was covered in hay, my fingers were caked in gunk from grooming, my hair was a mess and the dirt on my face resembled something like the Swamp Thing. Finally I collapsed on an overturned crate in the stalls, too tired to do anything else.

Beside me, Prince stuck his head out with a curious "Hrruummphh?" I ignored him, too tired even to pat him, and he nudged my forehead gently with his muzzle.
"What, Prince?" I looked up impatiently and absentmindedly gave him a pat. He lowered his eyes to reach mine and blinked slowly, blowing gently out of his nostrils. His gentle brown eyes stared directly into mine and what could I do but laugh? Then he stuck out his muzzle demandingly.

"What??" He pushed himself slightly forward, sticking out his muzzle towards my face. It was almost as if he was demanding a kiss!
I planted one sweet kiss right in the middle of his demanding muzzle, and seemingly satisfied, he hrruumphed softly again and thrust his head gently into my chest for nuzzly cuddles and more kisses. Despite his size, he was completely gentle, completely trusting and did not use any more force on me than a lamb could. Once again I was in awe of these creatures. How beautiful it is when the strong are also gentle!

Almost immediately all my bitterness vanished and all my exhaustion was completely worthwhile again.

=)))

Ah horses. They're always happy to see you. They always appreciate a good pat, a hug, a kiss or a bag of carrots. They carry you around on their backs all day long for a kind word in return. Their eyes light up when you appear. They never cease to love, they are always honest, always true, always loyal and always noble. Even the brattiest pony patiently allows the silliest children to brush his mane.
"Love means attention, which means looking after the things we love. We call this stable management."

Jobs and stuff

2008-03-14T15:17:00.000+11:00

Hmm, okay, it's been about a week or so since I last blogged and I deserve to be flushed down the Blogging Toilet Bowl of Sin, but but but! My excuse is that I have been trying to pull together several job applications to secure my future financial status and perhaps earn my way towards that dream horse and dream house and dream car and dream job. Besides thinking about job applications, I have been somewhat slack in actually applying for them, so I've put my portfolio together and am now going to dedicate this blogging hour into listing down companies which I will apply for a junior artist position :

1. Big Ant Studios (and I've already got the green light from them to send in my stuff so that's one finger crossed)
2. Complete Post
3. Tantalus Interactive
4. Acheron Design
5. Endgame Studios
6. Infinite Interactive
7. Transmission Games (IR Gurus)
8. Iron Monkey Studios
9. Torus Games
10. Red Tribe
11. Visual Jazz
12. Act3 Animation Studios
13. BlueTongue Entertainment
14. Firemint
15. Studio Moshi

Ugh, headaches. I hate applying for jobs. With me spamming all these companies, you'd think at least one of them would accept me, right? All my itty bitty ten fingers and toes are crossed.

Anyways, enough about that teeth-gnashing business. Last night was a bizarre experience, because I had to sleep in my own bed again after some time sleeping in McCool's bed - and the strange thing is that I couldn't fall asleep. Not because of anything, but BECAUSE when I stay over at the McCool residence, he snores. Oh, he snores like anything. Like a lawn mover on high speed revving into my ear. Usually I want to stuff styrofoam up his nostril to turn off the noise and sometimes I resort to desperate measures (such as lifting his hand and dropping it several times and checking for snoring rings on his pinky) but last night - there was no snoring!!!

And I was not used to there being no annoying loud noise in my ear so I couldn't sleep. What! It must be the most bizarre case of sleep-deprivation ever. Also, I think I should keep a recording of his snoring and place it next to my pillow next time to ease me to sleep - although that would put me on the CNN headlines for psycho behaviour.

Also when he drinks his body temperature is searing hot and when we sleep with my head on his arm, and although I thoroughly enjoy it, IT BURNS and it is so hot and I just want to push him to the other side of my bed and fling the blanket on the floor. Then it would be nice and cool, and last night I had my bed to myself and there was no hot hot arm to melt my skin and I thought, "Oh, how nice!" but then I found my pillow too cold and tossing and turning around didn't help, so despite it being a 30 degree night, I put my teddy on top of my pillow so my head was propped at just the right uncomfortable angle, teddy's fur acting as insulation for heat. And thus, I finally fell asleep.

I bet McCool would be howling with laughter when he reads this.

On Saturday it will be 35 degrees and higher and I will absolutely melt and burn into a fine crisp because I will be working at the barn all day long - hay season too! Somebody please save my soul. AAAAHHH.

Does anybody have the original Sega Nights Soundtrack? And the Christmas Nights Soundtrack? The old-school ones, not the shithouse Wii one. For some reason I've lost them and I will love you forever if someone can send them my way.

Oh yeah, sketch of the day. Really rough, I'm so not in the mood.

ummm

2008-03-05T17:00:00.000+11:00

So I went back to work at Coffee Bean yesterday just to help out KK who couldn't fill his shift, and uh, it was boring and I am suddenly kinda glad that I did quit when I did. However Chloe made me work one more shift next week so I have to do one more day of boring-ness, but it's okay I guess? Especially since my wallet has been feeling suspiciously light nowadays. Not that making coffee brings in much bucks, but you get the idea.

McCool's sister practised her facial skills on me the other night and oh, the things I let myself go through. It must be me, but do you girls seriously enjoy getting facials done? Your skin poked and prodded and pinched in every position imaginable? I squirmed everytime she touched my neck, but I suppose nothing could be worse than being kicked by a horse. I must admit, she was quite good at it though, and the massage she gave me at the end was very welcome. Her parting words of "hoping to use me for more facials in the future" sent a shiver down my spine, but I suppose I will endure it anyway, for the sake of my epidermis! I could feel them celebrating at being clean for a change, haha. Oh, my poor skin - I owe you so much!

Oh ya, have a Sketch of the day :

I can't draw cars usually...I need some sort of photo reference when I want to draw something from real-life accurately, which in my opinion is a big No-No, so I decided to draw a car anyway, in tribute to my heart and my bum jumping ten feet out of the chair in shock everytime McCool yells at 500 decibels at the TV everytime he crashes in Burnout Paradise, bless his soul. Oh, my poor heart! Spooking at sudden loud noises will now be added to my list of abilities.

So yes, here is a car. It's quick and strange-looking and undeniably very messy, but it's a car nonetheless! I hope it looks like it's speeding to you, hahaha.

not much

2008-03-02T20:58:00.000+11:00

Sketch of the day :

I know, really crap huh. I'm cutting myself some slack anyway. I'm no equine artist.

Also I just defeated a Level 6 song in Ouendan and I think my wrist is about to fall off!

Also watching Anky Van Grunsven do her dressage test in WEG 2006 always makes me a little happy inside. I hope that someday I can ride like that.

Sketch of the day

2008-03-01T23:45:00.000+11:00

Because I have nothing to blog about, also I don't have any inspiration to draw. Hay season started today and I am drained as a sieve, exhausted as an elephant, tired as tarzan and I endlessly mistake my hair for strands of hay which I think some horse is going to randomly start nibbling on, even after I'm home, showered, fed, watered, groomed.

Oh, but I got a nice pay rise from the barn. Yay! One thing to whinny about.

Aaaaahhh..... hhaaaaayyyyyy......

A bit of everything

2008-02-29T23:43:00.000+11:00

I've been dreaming of the things
I've learnt about a boy whose bleeding,
celebrate to elevate
I will take you as you are
Please accept me as I am
Knowing you, knowing my
ignorance to more then life
Calling out for extra help
you've got to let me in or let me out

Lyrics from About A Boy, which coincidentally is one of my more favoured movies. Anyways, I've finally completed Phoenix Wright : Ace Attorney, with much much head spillage and migraines along the way. Who would've thought murder cases could be so complicated? I now know that law is certainly not my true calling - although my brother did look at the game and testified that a real court of law is nothing like Phoenix Wright (well, DUH.) because if it was, I would enrol into law school immediately!

okay, maybe I just want to point my finger at random people and yell 'Objection!!!' McCool has been the victim of my new-fangled crime-solving blood lately as I commit myself to finding suspicious evidence in the most mundane of everyday items, the latest being a carton from a McDonald's chicken burger lying very suspiciously outside his post box. Suspicious! It's suspicious!

Time to download the next three games in the franchise!!! *cackles gleefully*

My ex-coworkers have been contacting me, asking me to come back to work. T___T I...I... I AM TOUCHED!!! I have already devised a plan. If indeed I do end up working on bonus shift next week and a customer orders a wrong drink, or orders something stupid - I will point my finger at said customer and yell, "OBJECTION!!!!"
That, is my new goal in life.

Ah, to make coffee again.... even just once... =D

Tomorrow I am back working at the barn after a much prolonged absence - read: bankrupt and I have been shoving all my stablehand duties to Lisa with much guilt on my part. XD But still, it will be good to go back to work after such a long break, my butt has been growing in size and I can hear it protesting from here! Certainly these muscles need toning too. Must! not! abandon! abs! Also McCool has been playing around with "alleged flab" on my arms, much to my horror. I DO NOT DO FLAB. Despite his valiant attempts to refute the word "flab", instead replacing it with "soft flesh", I have to find that both 'flab' and 'soft flesh' .... jiggles!! That's right, they jiggle! I don't feel it and I certainly don't notice it and I most definitely don't see it, but if someone claims I have "flab / soft flesh", then it's time to do something about it!!! There's something about working at the barn which produces automatically toned muscles...

Also, I know I have been abandoning Sketch A Day for quite a few days now. Man, it's only just started and already I have been slack. I have a good excuse though!

...No, not really. BUT. I will make it up. Like today, I have a sketch for today.

Random quick Cleris fanart, if you must, especially since I haven't done any in a long while and yet I was still awarded an award for one of the best fanartists on the pink Cleris forums. *hides under a rock in shame*

Also, I tried my very first alcohol a few nights ago in McCool's room - the circumstances under which it was consumed was unfortunately quite unfortunate - to sum things up, we were fighting, I was crying, his beer glass ended up in my hand while he went to pee and in my fit of emotion, I threw the contents of said glass down my throat.
Not very pleasant... first thoughts : FIZZY!!! Next : BITTER!!! Next : BURNING!!!
And then the room started to spin and pointless laughter set in.

....That stuff is dangerous! Plus, it tasted real gross. I'm never going near alcohol again until my 21st birthday if I can persuade myself to try a few more sips of nicer tasting drinks.

Sketch of the day:

2008-02-24T01:04:00.000+11:00

Is tittled 'Fuck U Asshole' and is dedicated to my wonderful and sometimes not-so wonderful boy.

2008-02-23T13:31:00.000+11:00

*sigh*
Another sleepless night last night. Imagine my despair as I saw the sun rise over the horizon. That's almost two nights without sleep now... aaaaaaahhh. I feel like Britney Spears. At least she gets carted away to a hospital. I just get to torment myself, isn't that nice?

It's not that I don't want to sleep.... I just can't. The moment I lay my head down on my pillow, my brain is just flooded with thoughts, words, memories... and it keeps going on and on, I can't drown them out even with music or DS or reading or anything. It's tormenting, to say the least and I'm beginning to feel quite emotionally drained and physically weary. I don't want to purchase sleeping tablets either because I'm so very genuinely too afraid I wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of swallowing the entire bottle.

I'm still holding myself together. For my sake... and for our sake. But I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on by myself...

I sincerely hope I can get some sleep tonight. But right now, from the looks of it... it seems unlikely. I already feel despair sinking in. Please Yin, don't think. Think positive. Please!
I can't do this by myself. I think I need help...

Um, random anyone?

2008-02-22T21:01:00.000+11:00

So, another uneventful day in the Yin camp, spent staring at Facebook and playing Ouendan and Phoenix Wright on repeat. Man....I need a life. I would have gone into the city to mug around with my buddy MJY but... oh, did you see the wind outside??? I can't be bothered battling it, also I just did my laundry and I can't be bothered to potentially dirty my clean clothes again. //Excuses excuses.
Yes, it is just me being lazy. No, I do not have a life. Desperately need one though, hey my birthday is in a couple of months, maybe I should ask for a life. My brother woke up this morning and came out of his room and let out a yell of shock. My buttocks jumped five feet of the chair and turned around in alarm and he pointed at me, "This is the third day in a row you've been home!! What's going on!?!?!"

Why, thank you for pointing it out, Captain Obvious. Tsk tsk tsk. Mind you, I would certainly not sit at home three days in a row if only I had a.... a purpose to go outside! Taking out the trash does not count.
....
.......
..........Man, I need a full-time life and a full-time boyfriend. It's just a fact!

Also, Big M looks down on me now because I cannot, to the best of my abilities, pass Level 1 on Super Mario Bros. Goddamit, is it me or are those turtles with a purpose : take Yin down before she reaches the finish line. Mario is cute, but he would be a lot cuter if he had the power to shoot killer spaghetti italian laser beams at enemies instead of shabbily trying to jump on their heads. Who takes down enemies by jumping on heads anyway?! I think I should take to jumping off balconies onto heads of passer-bys that look suspicious. Hey, Mario can't be wrong!

I have been scaring off potential employers with my hyper sounding emails and Cover Letters, I think it's the abundance of '!!!!!!' I use at the end of every sentence. No wonder I still can't get a job. Hmm. Either that or maybe I JUST HAVE BEEN TOO LAZY TO DEVELOP MY PORTFOLIO AAAAAAHHH also my resume is kinda maybe a bit too long and overbearing at 5 pages but I got an email back from a Games Studio today - they must be impressed with my fangirly perfumed pink cover letter!!! And I will have to send in a portfolio A.S.A.P because they cannot wait to know this girl who is all about Cloud and Aerith and pink and yellow flowers and unicorns.
Or not.
But let's keep our fingers crossed!!

Anyways, sketch of the day is a quick Phoenix Wright x Mia Fey fanart, because I love them together and Maya can be very annoying. (click for larger original size)

I AM SORRY I don't know how to do his impossible gravity-defying spikes and also he looks too bishie to be true, BUT SHUSH of course he has to be bishie, I am after all a Professional Fangirl and all males, in my eyes, must be bishie!!

Wow, seeing my crappy art like this really makes me realize how much polishing up I have to work on. Well, a year without proper art does this to you, I suppose.

2008-02-22T16:14:00.002+11:00

"Please explain so that I might be shocked along with the rest of the court."

AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA. LOLOLOLZ. I love the Phoenix Wright judge, he is love, omg, ahahahaha. Can't....breath.... What kind of a judge is this?!?! Oh, the lulz. <3

Phoenix Wright dialogue is Love!

happy end of new year

2008-02-21T19:39:00.001+11:00

I'm getting so used to being ditched by my brother. I hate dinner time, gah.

I'm getting used to this again. It's a little bit sad, but it's not much difference to what I was once used to anyway. I think I might go for a little walk soon, just because the sunset looks promising and also there's supposed to be a lunar eclipse tonight. And indulge myself in some ice-cream from the milk bar - the uncle who runs the store is very nice.

What else can one do in solitary-ditched-ness? I can't remember what I used to do way back when. There's only so much Ouendan one can play (and might I say that it is a sinfully addictive game!) and there's nothing good on TV either and I suppose I could always call a friend to chat, but of course everyone else will be enjoying themselves with their family - and UGH bro, if not for you I would be at my highschool reunion dinner right now having a blast - but never mind, I'm used to this.

Not even a single word, but all I can do is wait.

Also, I think in order to motivate myself to work on my showreel, I will start drawing more, so I have made a resolution to Draw-A-Day. (let's just hope I'll stick to it!) I will attempt to draw something every day, even if it is just a 5 second unidentifiable doodle of a cat taking a dump. You know. Hopefully it will get me out of my year-long art slump as well as give me something fresh to think about every day.
Anyways, doodle for today, done in MS Paint because my computer ran out of RAM for any other program to run.

It started out as the 7-UP dude, only now it's the 7-Up dude and Usopp's sexually confused love child, because he/she looks like a girl and has a long nose. Okay, anyways. Take That! *phoenix wright stance*

Objection!

2008-02-20T18:26:00.000+11:00

Well, whatever.
Anyways, I finally got the long-awaited micro SD card for the Nintendo DS and I've been on a DS spree. Phoenix Wright is awesome and just as equally FRUS-TRA-TING. Did I mention I hate lawyers? Yes, well, I hate lawyers. Maybe I'm just too stupid and impatient for games like Phoenix Wright, haha, but it is fun oh very fun. Me thinks I should download the latest Apollo Justice too.

Big M has been a blessing in disguise, sending me all the games I should be playing and programs for trimming the sizes and stuff. Very very cool. So on this rainy, extremely mundane and uneventful day, my time has been spent yelling at Phoenix Wright in frustration and greedily gobbling whatever juicy morsels Big M sends my way.

Also, how cute is Chocobo Fables!? I almost fell of my chair in delight when the Vivi lookalike appeared.

In other news, I am being very careful with my finances because I am currently unemployed and completely unmotivated to look for a new job. Something about the responsibilities of growing up... hahaha. I must admit, it is quite nice to be able to relax around without worrying about work, but one can only be a bum for so long. I can't seem to wipe out the niggling feeling that I'll be returning to Coffee Bean after renovations... not that I mind, just that it's not really financially beneficial on my part, heh. I really should start drawing again. SO UNMOTIVATED UGH.

Well, life is boring mostly - broke, unemployed and well, bored - but it's not too bad really, I suppose one must really thank the DS gods for the blessings of this little magical hand-held console!

2008-02-16T22:41:00.000+11:00

After whining for hours on end about how I'm struggling to write the essay about Cloud and Aerith :

McCool : It's easy babe, no stressing. Just think about us.

Me : What do you mean?

McCool : Just think of me as Cloud, and you're my Aerith. It's quite similar, isn't it? Cloud fell in love with Aerith, that's all there is to it.

*dorks* *^____^*

ugh.

2008-02-15T14:10:00.000+11:00

Phew phew phew phew phew.

I am so glad it's the 15th now because it means that horrible day of lovey-dovey and presents and roses is over! Usually I love love love Valentine's Day (because I get to take home hordes of cards and roses! plus it's cute to see happy couples everywhere) but this year, Valentine's Day sucked major major majorly. Possibly one of the worsts I've ever had. Long story cut short, it sucked. That is all. Thanks, Hallmark for making a celebration out of nothing.

I have my IELTS exam tomorrow and I'm not really looking forward to it either even though I know both me and McCool will ace it with no problems. On Monday we are meeting up with our buddies from Uni again so that will be fun too.

I still have that essay to write for the pink forums, lol. No, I haven't done it yet even though I said I would. I'll do it tonight, before the admins set their dogs on me. XD

This is a merely spammy post with no real point to it whatsoever, I just needed to rant a little about the suck-tacular Valentine's Day I had. D: This year I hate hate hate Valentine's Day, and for more reasons than the fact that it culminated into a horrendous sob-fest at the end of the night too. D: Ugh, gawds, this year's sucked so bad.

I hope you guys at least had a better one than I did. D:

fields of gold

2008-02-11T22:52:00.000+11:00

A couple of weeks ago I was down at the barn before my riding lesson, and the farrier was there, trimming the horses' feet. It was a late, lazy afternoon as I stood leaning against the wooden post, watching the farrier clip away at the edges of a hoof, listening to the contented hrruumphs and happy munching of relaxed ponies. The farrier's truck was parked alongside the stalls, a steaming thermos flask of hot coffee releasing a thin swirl of smoke, the radio set on the Golden Oldies as the sun slowly sailed lower towards the earth, spreading a flare of colour and light all across the lush paddocks and colouring everything golden.

Gumboots pushed her muzzle into the crook of my neck and gently blew into my ear as I idly scratched her ears. The song on the radio sounded oddly familiar, and I turned my concentration to the husky, mellow voice on the radio as I recognized the lyrics.

Without thinking, I turned to the old farrier and said, "This is my favourite song."

He looked up from under the hoof of a horse and said something about how wonderful it is that a young girl still recognizes classic songs. I barely heard what he said as I listened to the song, because I just realized, just then, in a complete spur of the moment as Gumboots nibbled my hair, that it is my favourite song.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Among the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me, will you be my love?
Upon the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in the fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover's soul
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We will walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
As you lie in fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
We walked in fields of gold

ambrosia

2008-02-09T20:57:00.000+11:00

Do you understand how good it feels to finally have a proper, home-cooked meal? With rice and meat and greens and all that good stuff.

Oh, I think I am in paradise.

After sneaking over to McCool's place at 2.30 am yesterday, I have arrived in paradise. :)

I have seen them

2008-02-07T22:23:00.000+11:00

I have seen them.

The Edison Chen/Gillian Chung/Cecilia Cheung sex scandal pictures, I have seen them. Oh my eyes, my eyes, they bleeeeed~!!!! This is what happens when one camps on Ohnotheydidnt! for way too long.

Edison's apology totally cracked me up though.... LOL at "strange strange ordeal" (yes, it is very strange.) and "let's help the wounded heal their wounds". I LMFAOed for a good ten minutes or so. xDDD Dude, what are you on about? He sounds like he's talking about some horrible act of terrorism or some sort of natural disaster - it's just nekkid photos!! You took 'em, you're famous, you should expect that they will be leaked if you don't delete them straightaway, now just suck it up and laugh! It's not like anyone's never seen anyone nekkid before, srzly.

Although I must admit I'm a little dissapointed at.... the unsatisfactory size of Edison's nookies, lolz. Oh, I used to have the hots for Edison Chen. He's hot! Also, the fact that he's posing in all those pictures made me LOLOLOLOL until I had no breath left to LOL no more.

Now sit back and watch all the stereotyping of 'Asian sizes' explode.

Oh Edison, to think that you once made me all fangirly and bothered whenever you appeared on-screen. Don't worry bb, I'd still hit that. Even though you can be such a ridiculous douchebag, but you provide the Lulz anyway. Case in point :

LOLOLZ bb, srzly?!

A Rat's Year

2008-02-07T13:44:00.000+11:00

I picked up the ringing phone, running through my head the many witty comebacks I would snort to the telemarketer on the line, but instead I was greeted through the receiver with a deafening blare of Chinese New Year music with gongs and cymbals and drums and little girls screaming, "Gong Xi Gong Xi Gong Xi Ni~!!!" followed with my mum's voice rapping calmly into the phone, "Is that you?" I could picture in my mind her sighing with one hand resignedly clasped over one ear to drown out the screeching voices of young Happy New Year singers.

I laughed, fondly remembering New Year in KL as a raucous, noisy affair, and after a short conversation with mum, she passed the phone to my grandmum, who was on the verge of grabbing the phone and hiding it down her shirt in her eagerness to hear the voice of her Australia-living granddaughter.
Grandmum greeted me with the exuberance and excitement of a 20-year old, and I greeted her back with the same amount of enthusiasm, "Happy and Prosperous Chinese New Year!", half-wishing that a red packet would magically sail through the air and land in my hand.

There was a tinge of dissapointment in her voice as I informed her that Bro was away at work and wouldn't be home till late, and I felt a little sad as I put the phone down. I miss celebrating New Year's with my family in Malaysia, the noise and annoyance and fights and laughter and food (oh food.) and money and new clothes and everything else in between. I think I just realized how fast we are all growing up and how much everything can change. Is it bad of me that I think of my dog and miss spending New Year's with him rather so than with my family? I've never had any celebration without my dog by my side. In a way, I am kinda relieved that I am not in KL right now, because having noisy, happy New Year's without my dog running around faithfully and excitedly around my ankles would be too much for me to bear.

Anyways, it sounds like a merry New Year back home, from what I can hear over the phone - just like every other year, and it is good. Hearing their happy voices and music over the phone fills me with a satisfied, feel-good sensation. I am happy for their happiness and right here, I too, am happy. Everything feels good! =)

Happy New Year

2008-02-06T23:56:00.000+11:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all of you who celebrate it!!! =]

I had a great New Year's Eve, despite this being my first New Year's away from my family and I had foreseen a boring new year alone at home. Instead, McCool's family invited me to their Reunion Dinner and it would be the first time I'm meeting the 'Big Boss' aka Dad McCool.

Okay, time to panic.

I brushed my teeth twice, as an idea of my level of panic. Haha! McCool whisked by to pick me up in the afternoon, listened to me pester him about wheter I should wear a skirt or jeans x826372 times, and then swept me to the Belgian beer cafe where we idled and flirted our way through the evening. When the time finally came for me to meet the Big Boss, I panicked and completely forgot the greeting I had rehearsed in the perfect-est Chinese I could muster, which was "Nice to meet you Uncle, Happy and Prosperous New Year!"
Instead what came out of my mouth sounded suspiciously like a fish flopping around the lines of "Hiyaunclehowyou?" as I shaked his hand clammily. I didn't even introduce myself. I wanted to die. AGH. agh agh agh. And then I ran away as fast as I politely could while McCool shook his head in amusement.

Oh, the dinner went fairly well though, despite it being another dinner with all his cousins and extended family. I felt a lot more in place as I did previously especially as I've gotten closer to Sisters McCool. It was nice actually. I genuinely enjoyed myself. It was good. =]

Yeah, it's been a great start to a fantastic New Year. Here's to all good things that will come! *clinks toast*

2008-02-05T22:03:00.000+11:00

To me, you are sacred.

Everything about you and us - is sacred to me, from the slightest touch to the fleeting glances. If there is only one special love in a girl's entire lifetime, mine would be you.

So, I'll wait. Patiently and lovingly, until you are ready. I'll be your harbour. When you're ready, I'll be here. I've never wanted to cherish anyone as much as you.

To me, you are sacred.

fandom, coffee, and a whole lot o' happy

2008-02-04T12:40:00.000+11:00

Seriously, do we really need pages and pages long worth of posts arguing wheter Maiden Over The Planet (Aerith's story in the FF7 Compilation) is canon or not?! My fandom is slowly but surely killing my brain, lolz. One of the reasons why I don't really post that much anymore - it keelz the love! The looove!! (of two entirely fictional video game characters made out of pixels BUT okaynvm.)

I also still have to write an essay for the new DF website (um, I have been lazy) and I think I will do that today whilst I have the free time. Also, I better not let McCool catch me writing an analytical essay for a video game coupling because he will point and laugh the geek out of me and then I will proceed to smash his Xbox with a mallet, which really does not sound healthy, no? Ah well, it's just an essay. No biggie. The pink people have been waiting for it for a while and I daren't dissapoint! I daresay I'll rather enjoy writing it, since I haven't been involved in the pink fandom for so long. (A conscious effort to suppress my inner geek perhaps?! It almost came out again when I saw the Aerith PlayArts figure in stores the other day and squee-ed ever so loudly, startling poor MJY right out of his skin.)

We're having a Yum Cha reunion lunch thingamajing tomorrow for Chinese New Year and I am gleefully looking forward to it because it's been soooo long since I've seen most of my friends from Uni! Me and MJY have made a pact to eat unlimited amounts of congee (him) and mango pudding (me) otherwise a waiter shall be brutally slaughtered.

I really should venture out from the confinements of my home today to buy new razor blades (shaving armpits with blunt blades are really bad) and perhaps some crumpets to enjoy with my Tightarse Toaster named Toasty. I can't be bothered though, because PJs are so comfy! Plus, I'm already sunburnt enough. If only something could motivate me, hmm, like a Vanilla Sky. //lame

Me and McCool are delving into the realms of first shared commitment yet, with plans to buy a coffee machine! I can't wait, because I must perfect that rosetta before starting to free pour bunnies and lions and swans into my coffee which I do not drink. I think it would be a good thing, because then everytime we argue all I have to do is free pour a cute lil creature in espresso and use it as a peace offering (along with the threat off "If we break up I get the coffee machine!!!11! Say Goodbye to Affogato forevaahh!1!!!" but of course we will never break up I am just saying you know, like an emergency fire drill kinda thing. eep. also he has a PS3 and I need that for FF13 so there is no way we are breaking up until that game comes out lol but you know i am kidding babe we will always be together *cheese*) She shall be our baby, a beautiful mould of 15 bar pump pressure, heat exchanger, semi-automatic machine of pure steel and endurance, with the ability to brew and steam at the same time, coiled tube maintaining pressure and ideal temperatures for both shot extractions and milk frothing most could only dream of. The height of excellence and elegance and beauty, the pride and joy in our new beginning towards coffee excellence!
(Why do I have a feeling I will devote more time to this machine than McCool devotes to XBox? I think the constant whirring of steaming froth will soon become a background noise more familiar than the flushing of toilets, also this means I think I will have to equate for a fair share towards the amount of the electricity bill usage at the McCool residence, also I will have to buy a 'No Touching Without Permission Or I Will Eat Your Dog!!1!11!' sign to hang on my beautiful baby whilst I am not experimenting on perfecting my milk steaming techniques and I will probably freak and make sure everyone washes their hands and holds their breath before going in a 5 meter radius of my precious darling.)
Ah, so many perks of being a barista. I personally feel that being a barista is one of the classiest and sexiest occupations around. We be so cool, flippin' our lattes and extractin' our shots whilst looking smokin' hott at the same time. C'mon, everyone wants to date a barista. Even McCool admits that my uniform makes me look like the best fine thing since mocha lattes.

I'm gonna miss the barista lifestyle where all we do is make coffee and stand around looking cool, enjoying envious looks from people passing by, while of course earning more than your average chef. *weeps dramatically*

Also, I think all of you should definitely abuse my HUGS BUTTON!!! It's been sitting there on my right hand menu for ages, a little bit abandoned. =D

sometimes i run, sometimes i hide

2008-01-31T21:37:00.000+11:00

So I did end up going horse riding because the skies cleared up the moment I reached the barn, hoorah! And the farrier was there, so I was treated to the rare luxury of being able to observe him doing his job and having a little chat.

Doing more dressage work and getting the horse into a frame with Linda today, I rode Gumboots and she was awesome. Really really awesome. I loved her. Although I am feeling a little upset in my tummy because my position is still not quite right yet and the barn has decided to stick me on Gumboots for now because Christine took me aside for a little talk today and she is seriously worried that I will break my neck soon. Ah, hello confidence, meet my shoes. =(
Time though, I'm sure with time and more dedication I'll be able to fix this. I am moving up regardless, so it's okay - just don't let this get me down!

OhNoTheyDidnt is my guilty pleasure in life, seriously. Everytime some kind of massive news happens I stay up on it all night, reading the comments and following the updates.

Britney Spears is in hospital again, and this just makes me feel sad. =(

'Back at her house, Britney's psychiatrist told her she was going to the hospital. Her response was, "Is something wrong?" She was not resistant. She made hot chocolate and waited before paramedics arrived and placed her on a gurney.'

My heart broke a little when I read that. Poor girl is surrounded by way too many selfish, poisonous people including her own parents and the man she once loved enough to marry. I don't care what anyone says, no one should wish such a fate onto any human being. I can't believe some people actually want her to die. Celebrity or not, it's just so sad. Brit brit, pull through, I'm still rooting for you! *plays Stronger on repeat*

Its time for me to move along
Goodbye!
Its time for me to get it on
OK!
I’m tired of singing sad songs
Alright!
It's time for me
Britney, let’s go!

Cafe por favor!

2008-01-31T13:24:00.000+11:00

It is.....raining.

Not exactly pouring, to be exact, but rainy enough to make me just want to curl up under my covers instead of braving the storm to travel out to catch the train and bus to go horse riding. Augh. Why, why does it always rain when I want to go for a good canter? Riding in rain is probably the least pleasant of experiences.

I'd really much rather be curled up in my cosy little Coffee Bean, making coffee on a dreary day like this. Talking about Coffee Bean, yesterday was my last day and my manager struggled to hold back tears as she presented me with a HUUUGE card signed by all my co-workers and a book about coffee as a farewell present. My regular customers even remembered it was my last day and they all swung by just to say Goodbye and Good Luck. So Sad!! I love my job. And if I don't find a new job in a month or two, I'm so going back. I just feel like it would be okay to forgo my Bachelors Degree and just spend the rest of my career as a full-time barista.

Or maybe not. But we'll see.

Future in the industry looks bleak. Who wants to hire a Junior Artist, who's artwork is less than average and is completely shit in 3D? Noone's hiring and I'm really not confident enough to go out there with my stuff just yet. But I have to, otherwise I will be broke and starving and living off McCool's leftover steaks. AHHH LIFE. Financial crisis, hello! I still have to fund my horse riding, plus there's driving lessons I need to start taking soon and living expenses and everything else in between.

Ugh, try not to think about it too much. Things will work out and fall into place! Like McCool says, throw the negative down south. I'm sure things will brighten up! =)

And hopefully this rain will stop soon too! My Midnight is waiting for me.

2008-01-30T01:22:00.000+11:00

Why do people hurt each other?

I can never really understand the reason between causing another person emotional or physical pain - what is in it for both parties? Nothing but more pain, pain pain pain all round, and everybody hurts and it's sad.

I've come to a slow realization nowadays as I slowly rebuild my world and learn to appreciate more the little simple pleasures and gestures, that nobody really ever means to hurt. Nobody wants to hurt, and everybody just wants to be happy. Happiness is simple, really. Just love each other, be nice to each other, respect each other and make each other happy. Happiness is so simple, and yet we humans tend to complicate things up so much and end up hurting.

Like my brother screaming obscenities at me today, and like me hiding in a corner of McCool's bathroom today due to self-insecurities, like a friend crying her eyes out on the telephone - all the little ways in which we hurt. And yet it is so simple - a hug from a loved one, a phone call, a gentle touch of the fingers, a sincere smile - all the ways in which happiness is transmitted, and yet so often neglected.

It is the little things that we need to learn to love. I love your hair. I love your smile. I love your veined, strong arms that somehow always wrap themselves around me at just the right moments. I love my laugh. I love my eyes. I love the way I dance with my fingers pointing upwards. I love her cooking. I love her glossy little nails. I love his pot-belly. I love his fat, upturned nose.

Humans need to learn to love. Just then you lovingly told me to keep us simple - and I am still recovering and reeling from the previous excruciating heartache, and now I realize that sometimes it's best not to think too much, or overanalyse too deeply or wonder too much - sometimes it's best to just live in the moment, love in the moment and appreciate everything you have. There are no certainties for the future, so why fret about it? All that matters is this moment, this moment you have right here, right now. This moment where all my thoughts are pouring out into my fingertips like liquid ink, fluid, honest - easily smudged but never erased.
As for me, I am slowly but surely healing, everyday I can remove one more bandaid and all that's left is tiny little scars. I am eagerly awaiting the day when I can remove all the bandaids and I will be able to have a heart that is full and unbroken once again. Everyday I'm getting closer, there is hope.

At this moment, I am trying not to focus on the past or the future. I am trying to focus on the present. And in this present, all I know is that despite the doubts and the insecurities and the issues (I think I have depression issues....god I hope not), I do love life. And one of the reasons I love life is because of you. And because of you, today instead of cowardly picking up my bag and running away from your house when I had a minor panic attack, instead I hugged you and stayed - and god damn, I'm glad I stayed.

In the past, I fell in love with you. In the present, I am still in love with you. And in the future, I know for sure that I did love you.

If only people would stop hurting each other, and start loving a little more, we could all have the kind of happiness only cats seem to have.

we're going to hell for this

2008-01-28T22:51:00.000+11:00

MJY : "Right now I'm a single man who wants some time to himself. My 'me' times are like when I take a dump or something, y'know?"

Yin : "Of course, you idiot. Everyone needs some 'me' time. I mean, you don't see me and McCool taking a dump together, do you?"

MJY : "I dunno, how would that work? Would it be like splitting the toilet in half? It'd be like, here, you sit on that side and I sit on this half..."

Yin : "Nah, I think it's a lot easier if he just sat on the bowl with his legs spread and I sit on his lap and just aim through the hole between his legs..."

MJY : "Oh my god, what if your shit hits his ding dong though?! What do they call that?? Dipshit? Oh, Shit on a stick!!"

----------------------

Yin : "Sammy's just gotten her second shot for cervical cancer and apparently it hurts like a bitch, so I think I'm not going to get mine done."

MJY : "Are you crazy? Just get it done! Prevention is better than cure. It's cancer, man!"

Yin : "Yeah, but if it's painful for Sammy, I'll probably faint. The needle is huge!"

MJY : "You're such a wuss! Why are you scared of a needle? Oh man, you know, I'd so totally take the shot with you! Only, you know, I don't have a..."

Yin : "...cervix."

MJY : "Yeah, one of those."

-----------

MJY : "That was really quick!!!"

Yin : "I'm a guy, I don't spend hours in a toilet."

MJY : "Right, you know it's kinda hard for a guy to pee."

Yin : "I think you're bordering on Too Much Information..."

MJY : "No, seriously, you gotta know this stuff. It's hard to aim right. Sometimes mine shoots out in two different streams, two different directions."

Yin : "TOO MUCH INFORMATION."

-----------

MJY : "I really wanna meet someone special and settle down, get married, y'know? But that doesn't look likely nowadays. Maybe I won't meet anyone. Maybe I'll end up gay."

Yin : "Well, tell me if you turn gay and I'll turn gay with you."

MJY : "How will that work? We can't be together if we're gay, you'll be lesbian and I'll be gay."

Yin : "Yeah, but we can still be like...gay friends...or something."

MJY : "Oh yeah, and we can have like massive homo orgies."

*arkward silence*

MJY : "That sounded so wrong!!!"

get me into the shade

2008-01-27T23:42:00.000+11:00

It's ridiculously impossible, but how wonderful it is to think that the person who replied to me on the Anything post at Postsecret could maybe possibly be you? Of course it isn't, sheesh, what am I thinking - but it's nice to hope. Whoever you are, anonymous stranger, thank you for making me smile. =]

Somedays we move forwards and other days we take a step back, but I do think despite it all we are well on the road to recovery and that thought is somewhat uplifting. It doesn't hurt so much anymore and it's beginning to feel like happiness again.
I think I really do like your new room because now I get to lie down and snuggle your legs while you play your games and if I fall asleep you wake me up the same way Sleeping Beauty is awoken - so I really think I should fall asleep more often. =]

Anyways, this is my last week of work (omg!) and it is somewhat disheartening. I think if the store renovations are pushed back again, I will request for me to stay on the extra time, until the store closes. I really do want to keep myself busy throughout Chinese New Year, for one thing, because I dread the thought of spending it alone and it would be so much better if I could be working all my spare time off so I don't have the time to think about it or feel forlorn. It's my first New Year away from home in Malaysia, and more significantly, my first New Year without my dog, and it will be so strange to not be in the midst of the noise and chaos that's usually synonymous with the Chinese New Years I'm accustomed to in Malaysia.

I can feel it achingly tugging at my heartstrings already, so hopefully Coffee Bean will still be open then. I'd work all day and night on New Year's Eve if I could, just so I can have an excuse for being alone without a family. Keep myself busy and exhaust myself out so all I need to do by the time I get home is collapse on my bed. That sounds good. And definitely stay away from the Instant Pasta!

Although if the Bean does close down by next week, dear god, I shall only pray that a Space Time Continuum happens so I won't even realize it's the New Year and it will pass me by without me even noticing.

To be honest, I feel so far removed from everything... But it's okay. I'll be responsible for myself. Oh Yin, you'll be okay. Girl, you'll be okay.